


Forget-Me-Not

by flowery



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 14:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6858808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowery/pseuds/flowery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something is wrong... Where is Tweek?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Disturbance

Craig stared at the big blue sky as he was riding the bus to school. He couldn't help but feel irritated, _where is Tweek?_ He pulled out his phone, fingers swiftly unlocked the screen, and found himself an empty inbox. 

He let out a long sigh and tucked his phone back into his front pocket. _How ironic._ He said to himself.

8 years ago they were pressurised into a relationship. They decided to play pretend with the world together. Craig would be lying if he said he wasn't impressed at how fast time had passed; and how used to he had grown to Tweek. If he was honest, he would even admit that he was somehow attached, but then of course, he was Craig Tucker. 

They would count stars together on the rooftop, taste out new coffee beans (which always ended with Craig complaining the bitterness of coffee), complete gaming achievements as a team, watch Red Racers and argue who was the best out of all characters, sometimes get into fights just for the sake of it... The two boys had entangled themselves into rivalry and intimate friendship throughout the long course of time. Craig and Tweek became inseparable, and they had very much warmed up to each other's company. Craig didn't like to talk about feelings, but how Tweek unconditionally opened himself up to the Craig did change him a bit, Craig had learnt to soften himself once in a while. 

He especially knew that he could trust Tweek with his secret. He would tell Tweek his fears and his ambitions; although it seemed like Craig never gave a fuck, he actually did care a whole lot.

"Y-you are like me, but bet-ter!"

This was Tweek, who was always unbelievably heart-warming. Even after Craig confessed his weird, sometimes dark thoughts, Tweek would always let him know that he was no monster. 

"Every hu-human has scary thoughts, or thoughts that scare them, but you! GAH! Y-you control them so well! You won't let them get to you and break down like I d-do!"

This innocent blonde boy was like a brother he never had. Brotherhood, or romance, Craig knew none of this was real. And yet ironically, it all felt so real, and Craig now couldn't go on a day without his fake boyfriend.

"CRAIG!"

Clyde's yell snapped Craig back into the reality and startled him. Craig narrowed his eyes and sent Clyde a cold glare, he didn't realise that his friend just got onto the bus. As the jork slipped into the seat behind Craig, the raven-haired boy flipped him off.

"Yo what'd you do that for?!"

"... Nothing." Craig steered his vision back outside the window. This bus ride was getting ridiculously long and irritating without his... 

"What the fuck, Tweek is still absent?"

"SHUT UP." Craig didn't like not knowing what is going on around him. He had an immense fear for the unknown and changes. And not being best at expressing emotions, whenever he was anxious, he let his temper take guard.

"... Hey, what's up you two." Token slowly greeted the two. Sensing tension, he carefully sat down next to Clyde, not wanting to provoke anything. 

"Lover boy is having a temper and Tweek is missing." Clyde was oblivious. 

Token sighed, and explained to Clyde "Lover boy is having a temper because Tweek is missing." His voice was so small that Clyde almost couldn't hear him. "Let's leave Craig alone for a while, he would cool off eventually." And he was right, after all, Clyde and Token were Craig's best friends as well. In times of anxiety, all Craig needed was some fresh air, he wasn't mad.

**

"Hey lads, where should we hang?" 

After the first period, Craig walked up to Clyde and Token and posed a question to the pair. Clyde and Token loosened up their expressions, as they knew that this was the way the raven-haired boy presented his apologetical feelings. A subtle invitation to socialise was already the best apology you could get out of Craig Tucker.

"Well, anywhere my main man wanna be!" Token draped his arm across Craig to give him a tight squeeze on the shoulder.

"Cafeteria? I could totally use a cup of coffee right now." Clyde suggested. "Politics just sang me a lullaby."

Driven speechless, Token widened his eyes and fixed them onto Clyde. _Dude, seriously?_ How daring or stupid was Clyde to leap right back into the soft spot of Craig -- straight after his attempt to cool down?

The three froze in motion for a hot instance before Clyde suddenly became awaken to his poor word choice. Everybody knew that coffee was just another moniker for Tweek.

"Uh! I mean coke! I said CALL-ME crazy, I like coke! I could totally use some coke now!" Clyde blurted, and waving his arms in the air. Token sighed in frustration and in suspicion of his friend's IQ. Clyde looked at Craig nervously to see if he had put on his resting bitch face again, only to realise a face of hurt, much like that of a boy whom had just lost his puppy.

Craig tried to keep his features hardened, but quickly he gave up, his brows knitted "Guys, I'm worried about Tweek."

Albeit surprised by his untimely confession, the boys agreed with the concern. "Yeah dude... Me too..." Clyde looked down at the floor, and put his embarrassing limbic movements to rest.

"But still I shouldn't PMS like a bitch these few days." Craig shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, "Sorry guys. I feel like I am losing it."

 _Huh?_

_Wait what?! Did he just apologise to us?_

Token had never been so confused, he sent a doubtful gaze to Clyde. The two looked at this 6 feet 1 stoic figure in an navy attire. With sharp black eyes, pale porcelain skin and a pouting mouth which suggested aloofness, Craig had a charisma of a strong lone wolf. His cold appearance definitely mismatched his words right now. 

"Don't- Don't sweat it, man, Tweek will be okay." Token patted Craig on his back. _Shit, Craig is definitely broken._


	2. Where are you?

Craig span his pen around during the last class of today. Without Tweek around the corner, days got harder to endure. He secretly checked his phone again under his desk for the tenth time in a minute. Still, an empty inbox. Craig kept clicking into the conversation history with the missing blonde, to refresh it constantly in hopes of a new message.

A week ago, Tweek left town. 

Unwillingly, the gang bid good-bye to Tweek and asked him to keep the group updated of his status. Tweek's grandma, who resided in North Park, passed away from a heart attack; the Tweaks were to show up to handle her funeral as immediate family members. Mr. Tweak reluctantly closed down the coffee shop temporarily. And as such, suddenly, everything in Craig's familiar world seemed to have quieted down. 

The changes brought him uneasiness. Tweek promised to stay in touch with the group, but he stopped replying group messages after his first day of departure. He even stopped replying to Craig's direct text. At first, he thought it was because of a stupid fish stick joke he recycled from Jimmy, and it must have offended Tweek in some way, so he disappeared. But then, he waited for an entire night, he knew Tweek would never be bothered by a joke for this long, Craig sensed something wrong.

[Oct 13 14:00] Tweek  
Uncle Ben is here too...

[Oct 13 14:01] Spaceman  
Always-angry fat man?

[Oct 13 14:04] Tweek  
Yea... Mum said talk to him  
I'm not sure how :[

[Oct 13 14:11] Spaceman  
Ask him

[Oct 13 14:11] Spaceman  
Do u like fish stick

[Oct 13 14:12] Spaceman  
Light up the mood LIKE A BOSS

[Oct 13 14:12] Spaceman  
GAY BOSS

[Oct 13 18:30] Spaceman  
Lol u mad?

[Oct 13 20:54] Spaceman  
It's juz a stupid joke

[Oct 13 20:55] Spaceman  
Forget the joke alright

[Oct 13 23:08] Spaceman  
Tweek

[Oct 13 23:08] Spaceman  
?

[Oct 14 01:04] Spaceman  
Ok my bad

[Oct 14 01:27] Spaceman  
Tweek come on

That was when Craig's imagination, more precisely, _his fear_ , set loose. He kept on texting the blonde for the next day, but it was as if he was talking to himself. Tweek never replied ever since.

In Craig's mind, he imagined Tweek to be grieving so much over his grandma's death, that Tweek plunged into depression. Perhaps the image of death was too much for this sensitive, nervous boy; just as the real world was always so.

Maybe Tweek's neurotic parents decided to extend their visit to North Park into a stay, and open up a new chain coffee shop there. They overworked their son day over day for the opening, and Tweek couldn't get access to any help.

Or maybe Tweek was sick? He wasn't a thing of healthy habits, coupling with excessive caffeine intake, it was likely for the blonde to fall ill switching environments. Craig heard (he actually actively googled) that North Park had the average temperature of 10 degrees lower than South Park, a 4% lower humidity, and a lower Air Quality Index.

Or perhaps Tweek got really, really mad at him, and he just came to an epiphany that all his friends sucked, so he decided to just quit. After all, Craig did make an inappropriate joke in an inappropriate situation.

He knew he was over-reacting. _Tweek could have just lost his phone, dumbass, relax._ Overthinking was always the culprit of insecurity. Sadly, he just didn't have control over this unsettling emotion anymore.

Craig tried to call Tweek the second day. But his phone was not in service. And so he called day after day. Something told him that this was more than just a case of phone-losing. How could a normal boy just disappear like that? Craig had so much more to share with Tweek... And his last words to Tweek being a lame joke was just the worst.

Craig definitely didn't want to be remembered like that. He waited, and counted the days the Tweak household was gone. But days of fruitless waiting sent him into despair. He even contacted the school's councillor, to plead him to help contact Tweek's parents. Of course such a request was to be refuted, the school deemed Craig as insensitive to a family which was currently handling the death of a member.

The bells rang. Just as Craig was about to stuff everything back into his bag and then rush home to wallow in anxiety, Kyle stopped by.

"Craig!" 

"Uh. Hey." Craig held back his tendency to roll his eyes.

"Listen, I think you should go to the practice today." Kyle suggested, even though he tried to sound casual, Craig could tell that he was serious and had been repressing his fury.

Being the basketball captain, Kyle was a responsible and enthusiastic sports lover. But Craig was just a filler, even though he was among the tallest and the best players in the team, he joined just to fulfil the school's extra-curriculum requirement.

"I never said I was going to skip."

"Ah! C'on!" Kyle scorned, "you have been skipping for weeks and the game is this friday!"

"Not that long..." Craig knew, because he only stopped going to his practice after Tweek's missing. 

"I know you are feeling incomplete now that your boyfriend is not around, but think about the team."

"I... "

"Anyway, you are with me today." Kyle grabbed Craig's bag as a bait and ran away to the stadium.

Craig reluctantly followed the amber-haired kid. He knew Kyle was right, the game was just a couple of days away, the team did need as much practice as they could get.

**

6:02 pm. He was released from the practice and heading home in the speed of light, avoiding any unnecessary socialising opportunities.

As much as he would hate to admit, practicing did put Tweek off his mind for a while, and Craig felt slightly less tense from all this working out. Who would have guessed that sports was what Craig needed?

He pulled out his phone and plugged in his earphones on his way home. Sundown was around the corner, the colour of pinkish tangerine engulfed the world, it was beautiful. A peaceful feeling relaxed this tired boy, maybe, he thought to himself, that his missing boyfriend would come home soon and everything would be logically explained. He looked up to the sky, raised up his hand and spread across his fingers, trying to sample this tranquility in the air. He felt slight optimism. 

He decided to take the long way home. The wind was slowly blowing and it brought upon him the smell of nature and dust. Fall was a beautiful season, and for some reason it brewed nostalgia. He could smell a blend of leaves, soil, gasoline, paper and coffee, all the smell familiar and rusty, mixing together to paint the image of an urban city. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

_Hang on a sec..._

He could smell coffee?! And this coffee wasn't just any coffee, this was a scent that he knew best. He turned around and looked across the street. 

Tweek Bros. Coffee was open.

Craig had never sprinted this fast in his entire life.


	3. Something he knew

As soon as he flung himself towards the doors, his hands reached for both handles and tried to swing them open. To his dismay, it was locked, and despite the lights had been turned on, the door sign actually said "closed". Craig was confused, and his heart was racing fast. Unable to comprehend what was going on at the moment, the lost boy scanned the inside of the cafe enthusiastically with ridiculously widened eyes. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the hot mist steaming up from a cup of coffee on the counter, as a middle-aged man was packing boxes.

"Mr. Tweak!" Craig shouted from the outside, while knocking continuously on the glass door.

The voices woke the coffee shop owner from organising, or disorganising his stock. He put on a shocked expression upon hearing Craig, but it faded away quickly and was replaced with a desolate look. 

Craig didn't know what that face meant, he looked observantly at the man who was opening the door for him, trying to pick up clues of his seeming sadness.

"Craig..." Mr. Tweak sighed his name. "How, uh, it has been..."

"Nicetomeetyousir-" Craig rushed, wanting to skip all of the unnecessary greetings. "Can I see Tweek please?!" 

Mr. Tweak didn't respond, he seemed to have guessed his question. Instead, he turned to closest coffee table and gestured "Take... Take a seat, Craig." He patted gently on the chair, which was slightly dusted from a week of solitude.

Craig wanted to stomp his feet like a cry baby to demand an immediate reply, but he held down that urge and comply with the request. 

"I know you'll come for Tweek." Mr. Tweak said with a teasing smile, as if he was mocking himself for holding back the truth. "I should have let you know sooner... I just... Didn't have the heart to do so... I guess I am in denial too..."

Craig swore that there were tears in this indifferent dad's eyes. And it must mean business when this exploiting parent was consumed by sadness related to his son. The confused teen's anxiety peaked and it constantly disrupted his thinking, he could no longer think in coherence. 

"Just... Just tell me!" He was shocked and somehow embarrassed at how command-like his request turned out to be.

"Tweak is in the North Park hospital now. He is... In a coma."

 _Oh God._ Craig had predicted something terrible to happen, but the weight of the words in a bad news delivered still had the power to drive him speechless. And when he finally registered the meanings of the words, fear spread like fire in his head.

"He... He got hit by a speeding motorcycle as he crossed the road." Mr. Tweak swallowed in difficulty, it was apparent that this man was feeling guilty, though from what, Craig did not know.

"Tweel got into an accident...?" The boy gasped for breath. The emotions started to flow in, fear, confusion, disbelief... Craig didn't exactly know how to feel. He sat straight as he felt that his shoulders tensed.

"His head hit the ground first and took the impact," the guilt-ridden man continued, "It was an accident! But perhaps it wouldn't happen if we hadn't been so neglectful of him, he was... Too tired..."

 _Oh. So that's why._ Craig could picture a working Tweek jumping and twitching with tense muscles, and without his "boyfriend" to hold, it must had taken superhuman strength for the coffee boy to calm down alone. And how ignorant his parents were, to not know that Tweek had been sleep-deprived since the birth of the planet, since they fed him too much caffeine. 

He wanted to leash out on this man in front of him, he overworked his son, and failed to take care of the latter; but he was also aware of the fact that Tweek was 18 and could have taken care of himself instead. Although Craig liked taking care of Tweek, it didn't mean that world had to. Craig tried to keep calm.

"He hasn't woken up from his coma yet, but I am confident that he would." Mr. Tweak rose from his chair. "I'm just here to take care of some orders and stocks... I am going back to North Park tonight."

By the sound of his tone, the concerned boy who had been weighted down by the bad news could tell that Tweek was less than fine. He didn't know how to react, but he was sure that he wanted to see this boy whom he had held close to his heart. 

"Can I come too?" He heart ached.

"What-" Mr. Tweak was taken by surprise at his request. "Craig, North Park is 3-hour drive away-- And it's a school night."

"I am sure my parents will be supportive of me going, and I can just catch the tunnel bus back before tomorrow morning," Craig bargained, "Please, sir, I... I need to see Tweek."

"O... Okay." Mr. Tweak gave Craig a fainted smile, "Tweek is so lucky to have you as his boyfriend."

**

Although Craig said he'd ask for permission before leaving to North Park, his thoughts were too misaligned and he couldn't bear to repeat the sad news. He sneaked outside after locking his bedroom door, to pretend to his family that he was sleeping inside. 

On Mr. Tweak's ride to North Park, Craig plunged into deep thoughts, he tried to make sense of what was actually happening. 

Tweek went away to North Park.  
Tweek stopped replying.  
Tweek got into a coma.

The timeline of events had been established clearly in his head. But he couldn't, or he didn't dare to, imagine the consequences. What all these were actually leading to scared Craig. 

He could have lost him for good. 

Craig hated changes, and separation was just the worst of them all. He knew he wasn't ready to handle this, his every nerve was freaking out. Just hearing Mr. Tweak said it was already a wrecking experience, what would he feel when he actually saw Tweek unconscious on a cold bed? He didn't want to see that, but he also really wanted to see Tweek. He missed him too much to escape. Just the concept of losing Tweek was unimaginably painful.

Trying to repress all his negative thoughts, he closed his eyes tightly. And the night tucked him to sleep with slow breeze across the opened car window, gently brushing his soft hair.

**

When he actually got to the hospital and rushed to the unconscious, pale blonde. Craig's heart ached again.

Tweek was lying there, motionless.

He thought he visualised something worse than death. He saw struggling, despair, suffering, regrets. He felt a tremendous amount of pain in his heart. And the image of a sobbing mother next to a dying son just doubled the weight of the scene.

Tweek seemed like he was in pain. He didn't really move or scream in agony, but the expressions he was pulling told Craig otherwise. The usually green, attentively-seeing big eyes were closed, with no sign of movement beneath his lids, it was the first time Craig ever saw Tweek this perfectly still, the eyeballs always danced around even when the nerve-wrecked boy was asleep. His lips wasn't sealed tightly, but had a natural crack which showed his grinding teeth. Craig examined the pale boy in empathy, his glowing, unblemished pink skin was now dull and dry like that of a corpse. Not to mentioned the thousand bandages they had put him in, it must have hurt.

"Oh, hello Craig." Mrs. Tweak greeted with incredibly tired eyes, perhaps from sobbing, or from caring for the unconscious one. "Very nice of you to come see him..."

"Hello ma'am."

Mr. Tweak walked up to her side and let her sink her head onto his shoulder. "Let's give the boys a moment. And honey, you need to eat."

As the disheartened parents were walking outside, Craig walked up to Tweek and automatically grabbed his hand. He heard himself saying, "Hey, I'm here now."

"I'm with you. It's alright now."

"Please wake up, Tweek."

It was like he was whispering to himself, for there was not a smallest sign of reply. Craig tried to keep his eyes sharp but they eventually gave in to tears. The image of death painted a haunting impression on Craig's mind canvas, he used to be fearless, but now he was crumbling to pieces.

He sobbed quietly and held on tightly to Tweek's hands, they were cold, and Craig just wanted to transfer all his body warmth to him. He wanted to stay here with him till he was alright. The clock, the world seemed to have stood still during Craig's stay. The devastated boy didn't notice the time until it was already past mid-night.

Craig unwillingly bid good-bye to Tweek and his parents, he had to go back in order to not get in trouble, but he promised himself that he will visit again this weekend. On his way out, he noticed how everyone looked at him with empathy, it was to the level that they were almost touching their chests to say "aww". He must have cried badly, he knew his face didn't match with any soft expressions. Tweek had said he didn't like seeing him cry before.

But then again he was pretty sure that Tweek said so just because he didn't want to see Craig sad. A kind soul like Tweek's would always prefer smiles. Too innocent, and good-natured. That cinnamon roll meme? Craig decided that it was for Tweek.

The more Craig thought about Tweek, the emptier he felt in his heart. 

"I love you, Tweek." He uttered to himself.

_Wait what?!_

_WHAT?!!!_

Craig couldn't believe it. His talking preceded his thinking. Of course, Tweek was more than just a best friend, but he wouldn't dare to imagine himself falling in love. That's why they never really talked about their relationship. They had done awkward and somehow flirty stuff together, but he was pretty sure that Tweek was teasing, they're dudes. Craig didn't even know if Tweek was into guys. Jesus, Craig didn't know that _he_ was into guys himself.

And of all times, he had to realise his feelings during another boy's coma?!

He buried his face into his palms as the bus rode unsteadily back to South Park. To his surprise, he didn't really want to deny the epiphany, somehow he knew it was true, he just couldn't believe that it took him an almost-fatal accident to realise. He was soaked in a deeper state of melancholy now. 

_Potentially unrequited feelings._

He tried to push these emotions to the back of his mind. Things had been dramatic and he already had too much to think about. _Tweek's getting better is the first priority,_ he decided, _I will deal with myself later._


	4. Awakening

Token and Clyde had a right to know. They were Tweek's best friends as well. But it almost ripped Craig's heart to pieces to repeat the news.

"Dude... What the fuck..." Clyde exclaimed.

"But like... What did the doctors say?" Token asked.

"I dunno." Craig wouldn't, he spent all his stay sitting next to Tweek, "But Mr. Tweak said Tweek has passed the critical moment, he is just... Just sleeping now..." That was part of his wishful thinking as well.

"Ok, passed the critical moment, that's some good news," Token gave a bittersweet smile, "What else did you figure out?"

_That I love Tweek._

"Uh, not much." Craig said instead, "he has bandages all over his body..."

"Dude," Clyde tapped on Craig's shoulder. "Tweek will be alright, let's go see him after your ball game."

“Oh… Oh yeah.” Craig totally forgot about which, he hit his head with his palm in embarrassment, and perhaps in irritation.

"Go kick some asses! So when Tweek wakes up, we can go celebrate!" Clyde continued.

"Tweek will be alright, so will you, Craig." Token looked gently into his best friend's worried eyes, he could tell that this not-so-professional player was too distracted for any games right now.

"Thank you guys." Craig uttered, realising that he had friends to fall back on while Tweek was alone fighting the coma. "It's not my type of thing to say-- but thank you." and that was genuine. His friends returned him a bright grin and smiling eyes.

Friday finally arrived, the ball game came and went away in an agile wind. Craig's team won, but his solo performance was less than average. Kyle was pretty pissed, but he didn't say anything in the end because the team won victory nonetheless. In fact, Craig deserved a praise, he tried really hard to precipitate his feelings and not stir it up. 

And perhaps he could do it with his crush on Tweek as well. He could pretend that they had nothing romantic going on, such that nothing risky or awkward would ever happen. He could do anything, or not do anything, in this case, as long as Tweek was by his side. 

_Tweek, please, just be ok._

**

The boys went to see their long-gone sweetheart on a Saturday. Clyde cried for a while and Token might also have shed some tears, the room was filled with drowsiness. Nobody knew what to say anymore.

"Boys, thank you for coming." Mr. Tweak broke the silence, trying to comfort the three of them. "The doctor said he will wake up any minute now, his health parameters are well."

"I'm sorry, excuse me..." Clyde walked to the corner of the room. With clear sobs in his breath, he lowered his head, and tried to hide his face with his hand. Token followed and patted Clyde on his shoulder.

Seeing his friends' somewhat dramatic reactions, Craig realised that he was a lot calmer than he was supposed to be. But then he had always been the unfeeling one, so this might just be normal. He wasn't good with expressing, but he felt all the pain his friends did, if not worse.

And he did cry earlier, to his dismay.

He walked up to the catatonic body, speechless, he tried to convey his affections by gently ruffling his hair. Tweek had always liked it when Craig played with his hair, he would smile and say that it calmed him down.

Just as Craig stared at his hair, and tried to comb them towards the same direction as he stroked them. He noticed a twitch in Tweek's face. The stoked boy let out a small, quick sign of surprise. And he reflexed to call out Tweek's name, in an attempt to wake him from his slumber.

"Tweek! Tweek!"

The others in the room focused their attention at Craig, and showed an equal amount of enthusiasm as they noticed Tweek's parameters demonstrating a new pattern of rhythmic activity.

The blond squeezed his eyes tightly before finally opening them, with his eyes dry, he blinked to moisturise them and set his sight in focus. 

Tweek had awakened.

The entire room lightened up in joy. Tweek's mother threw her arms round Tweek to offer a sort of embrace, as Tweek's father muttered like "I'll call the doctor" with teary eyes and voice shaking in disbelief. Clyde and Token went to hold onto Tweek's hands, Clyde cried even harder, he didn't believe in God, but all he managed to say was of praises to the almighty.

"What..." Tweek muttered in a broken, dry voice, "Where am I..."

Craig was elevated, with his hand still touching Tweek's hair, he was panting in relief. As Tweek's mom finally released Tweek from her arms, her eyes directed a confused Tweek towards his boyfriend.

As Tweek turned his head around, he jumped at the image of Craig. He _itched_ himself away from Craig.

_What?_ Craig stared at his unusual behaviour, confused and hurt. 

Tweek's green eyes were blinking in puzzlement, his face pulled an expression that showed fear for a stranger. He firmly grabbed onto the fabric of her mother's long skirt.

"W-who is this?"

As Craig registered the meaning of Tweek's question, he widened his eyes, and felt his heartbeat pacing up. It was funny, because he thought that heartbeats would stop when a heart died.

The room fell silent before an unknowing Mr. Tweak happily stomped back into the room with a doctor.


	5. Accommodation

Craig would have flipped the hell out of God, if there was one. Everything so far had been cruel to him. He didn't know which hurt more, knowing that Tweek was in a coma, that the world lost him; or that Tweek was an amnesiac, such that only Craig had lost him.

Maybe it was indeed a punishment from God. For being dishonest with himself for too long, he should have faced his relationship long ago and talked about it when Tweek when there was a chance.

Now their relationship became non-existent, Craig would never get to figure out the truth -- whether his feelings could have been returned if he confessed.

**

On a bright Monday morning, Token, Clyde and Craig waited patiently outside the Tweak residence. 

Mr. Tweak wheeled Tweek out from his house, as Clyde happily took over. "Morning, Tweek!" And he looked over to Mr. Tweak "Morning, sir!"

"Good morning, Mr. Tweak." Token walked up to the worrisome father. "Don't worry! We will make sure Tweek catches up with everything!"

Mr. Tweak frowned, "I actually don't want him to do so in such a haste..." He knelt down and asked Tweek, "Son, are you sure you wanna go back to school so quickly? Can't it... wait?"

Tweek displayed a careful smile, "D-Dad, I will be fine! It has been 2 weeks since I left... I want to get back to my friends." As he said so, he looked towards Clyde and Token, who were standing behind his wheelchair. And out of corner of his eyes, he saw a stoic figure with a hurt face. They exchanged eye contact, and Tweek wanted to look away so badly, _this is awkward..._ His arms started to twitch as he got nervous, Craig picked up his body language so he looked towards Mr. Tweak instead to greet him, then proceeded ahead of the crew without turning back and looking at Tweek once during the bus wait. Trusting his best friends in his job to help the blonde to get to school.

"Tweek..." Token said as he helped Tweek fastened his seatbelt, "I am so happy over your return man... But this is so wrong..."

Clyde chipped in, "Yea bro, don't get us wrong. We LOVE you. But it should be Craig in our position now, taking care of you."

"He always does." Token agreed.

Tweek was so confused and bored by everybody reminding him about Craig, he frowned in impatience. "U-Uh, guys please, I don't know him." When Tweek said it, he purposely lowered his voice in hopes that Craig, who was sitting 3 rows behind next to the window, wouldn't overheard. To be fair, Craig did look irritated whenever Tweek claimed that they had never meet, and Craig could look really intimidating when he wasn't smiling-- Tweek was under the impression that Craig may soon punch him out of frustration.

"I know that that guy and I are supposed to be super best friends or something," Tweek whispered, "But I don't remember! A-And I don't believe it..." He couldn't imagine how he could befriend somebody who scared him, let alone dating him. To imagine himself in a relationship, God, too much pressure. He would never admit that he had been dating, especially when he couldn't recall anything out of it.

"Yea alright... We have had this conversation before." Token sadly concluded.

"Ok so, let's talk about other people! I have 15 minutes to fill you in with all the gossips you missed during the past 2 weeks!" Clyde tried to lighten up the atmosphere, which worked, as the 3 of them drifted into casual topics and laughed, pretending that nothing had gone wrong.

Craig stopped eavesdropping as the three started gossiping. As as he spaced out, looking outside the lonely window, the scene of that day started to playback in his head.

He _flinched_. Tweek flinched himself away from Craig.

The boy whom he did everything together with, the boy whom he had been harbouring authentic feelings for, the boy whom he had known ever since he gained a mind of his own. _His_ Tweek, wasn't _his_ anymore.

He couldn't begin to describe how hurt he was. But he knew that people fictionalised and expected him to be strong, to be tough, to be unfeeling; so he delivered. He kept his mouth shut about the whole situation, and swallowed every difficult thought as he just silently watched this event went down.

After Tweek had woken up, the doctor asked to see his parents and as the Tweaks considered Craig family, he followed them into the office. The doctor said something about amnesia.

"We ran a few tests with the brain scan," said the man in the white lab coat. "His brain demonstrates normal activity whenever he is shown items or people from his past.”

“Even for this young man here, your photo triggered electric activities in his frontal lobes." The doctor turned to Craig. "It's just that, somehow, our patient failed to recognise his knowledge of you. He fails to retrieve any memory related to you.

We don't exactly know why, but we believe that this partial amnesiac phenomenon is a self-defence mechanism. You see, when a person is too stressed about something, the brain will try to protect its owner by shutting down recognition to the stimulus. The patient's brain is trying to protect him by repressing all his stressful thoughts."

"Are you saying that I stress him out?!" Craig hated this idea so much, his question came out aggressive.

"That's not possible, doc." Mrs. Tweak said, "Tweek was the happiest being with his boyfriend! I know my son."

"Well..." The doctor sighed and looked uncomfortable, "Maybe it's not you, it's your relationship with him. I mean... It is a gay relationship. Not everyone buys that. Maybe he was stressed from public judgement."

_Oh._

_Oh right. That makes sense._

Craig's mind clicked in that split second. He must have been too used to it such that he forgot, Tweek was pressurised into a gay relationship with him. Tweek had been forced.

As if it wasn't scary enough, the doctor added, "It's rare, but we have seen cases with this type of amnesia. The patient may never be able to recover. Please be mentally prepared."

Craig's world stopped functioning ever since. After leaving the doctor's office, he wanted to catch sight of his Tweek one last time in the hospital room, he approached the blonde again.

"You don't remember me?" Craig asked, standing next to the room door, he didn't want to startle Tweek by being too close.

Tweek stared at him at first, and then his eyes diverted to Token and Clyde, as if he was seeking for help. He looked scared.

So Craig walked away.

Just like what he was doing now on the bus. He distanced himself from the crew. He didn't want Tweek to feel uncomfortable. And he didn't know what to do.

He understood Tweek's situation. That's all he had been ruminating in his head ever since he was told the news. Tweek was pressurised into constantly lying and putting on a show for the world to see. All those spawning yaoi artworks? All the attention? Craig started to think that why he never realised that Tweek was stressed out from fake-dating with him, was because Craig enjoyed it too much. He had been taking advantage of the situation, of Tweek. He felt ashamed, he was angry at himself.

_God, is this how you punish people?_


	6. Reboot

Tweek's first day back to school had been nice. People who were nice to him now went extra soft, people who he weren't close to before now came to shower him with affection, people who were mean now kept their mouths shut. He was surrounded by nice words and blessings wherever he went.

But things weren't as nice for Craig. As Craig distanced himself from Tweek, and as the blonde preferred grouping with Token or Clyde in class discussion, it was made realised to everybody that something was up with the survivor of the accident. The fact that Tweek was an amnesiac couldn't be kept a secret forever. Soon enough, just within a day, people in his class figured out and pestered the raven-haired boy with repetitive boring questions. 

"Tweek forgot about you?!”  
"So are you two still dating?"  
“How did this happen? HOW?”

Yes, Craig did have a theory, but he didn't want to share it with the world. Plus, he couldn't just tell everyone that his relationship with Tweek had just been a lie for 8 years after all, right? He refused to talk with anyone. He couldn’t, to be fair, he was way too annoyed to act friendly.

During lunchtime, the now-single boyfriend found himself hesitating. He didn't know if he should go eat with Token and Clyde. Because Tweek was also there, and Craig deemed that things would be uneasy if he joined. He turned his back from the cafeteria, decided that if he was to be seen eating alone arousing more questions from nosy people, he would rather skip lunch.

**

"Where's Craig?” Clyde asked as he was walking to the usual table that the crew occupied, with his hands holding 3 food trays. How he managed to do that, was something beyond a shaky Tweek’s imagination.

Token and Tweek had already settled themselves down by that time. Token took a slow sip of his mineral water, from a refillable bottle he brought every day to school since he insisted to not drink from the school’s water fountain. His action was unnecessarily elaborate — as if to wade away the untimely and awkward question, but Clyde was too delirious to read the thoughtful black boy.

“It was as if he vaporised from us today…”

_Oh my god._ Token nudged Clyde underneath the table and shot him with a “don’t you see things are awkward between Craig and Tweek” look, he added a hint with a quick tilt of his head towards the Tweak boy.

“WHAT,” protested Clyde, and said to Token after a brief glance at Tweek. “I know Tweek doesn’t recognise him. But we DO, man, Craig is still our friend.” 

Clyde’s answer had left Token silent and put Tweek into contemplation. As Tweek resumed to silently eating his salad, he was hit with the concern that he had become a thief. He had stolen friends from somebody. The image of a lone, tall figure resurfaced in his consciousness. The same figure that was there when he woke up from his slumber. The same figure that came to fetch him this morning along with the crew, only to leave after Tweek showed discomfort looking at him. Did he manipulate this guy and was he bullying somebody?

_Gah! What have I become? An Eric Cartman?_

Tweek didn’t like the sound of which, and suddenly, he felt an insurmountable need to locate this said figure and apologise. Tweek was apologetic, he frequently abused the word “sorry”, as if it was a magic word to repel troubles. Sometimes he would apologise before doing anything, and it had kind of became his habit; but this time, he felt a genuine need to apologise. Albeit not knowing Craig, for some reason it made Tweek really uncomfortable for isolating this mysterious figure. He felt heavy, there were weird fuzzing in his heart.

Tweek excused himself from the group, leaving behind a half-finished lunch. It was inconvenient and slow going around in a wheelchair, this used to be a small school in a small town, now it looked like a giant labyrinth. Tweek proceeded forward eagerly, but he didn’t know where to look. He almost instantly regretted going alone, not asking Token or Clyde for clues.

He went to the gymnasium, the open football court, the library… Quicker than Tweek thought, he ran out of ideas, where else would a boy be during lunch hour? He started to just randomly navigating around. After crossing a number of corridors, he found himself in the school’s botanical garden. It was funny, for this part of the school was eerily quiet. But then he guessed that it made sense for highschoolers to not take a liking of the smell of soil and greens, especially not during lunch. He looked up to the big blue sky, and then in a distance, he saw the side vision of somebody squatted down, with his arms folded, resting on his knees. 

Craig was looking at a small pool of pastel blue blooms.

Tweek relaxed upon the sight of the boy, and slowly, he approached the unknowing boy. He gathered up his courage and was going for a straight-forward apology. Craig didn't look so aloof and intimidating when he was quietly observing the flowers. His usual cold eyes were focused but gentle, Tweek detected a grin on Craig's face, he was happy.

Tweek looked over at the blooms that Craig had been fixated himself upon, this shade of blue was different from that of the sky, it was less intense, it was mellow and tinted with purple. Tweek didn't know what kind of flower that was, but he would agree that they looked pretty.

“Uh- Cra-Craig?…” Tweek paused his wheels, and said timidly. He had heard the name Craig a million times, but this was the first time he ever addressed him, at far as Tweek remembered anyway. 

Craig was startled by Tweek, he automatically stood up and unfolded his arms, the brief smile fainted into surprise, and then a bittersweet smirk. Craig wanted to say hi, wanted to pat Tweek on his head, wanted to hug Tweek, like he used to; instead he slowly squatted back down and dragged his vision back at the flowers. “Finished your lunch already?” he asked.

“Huh?” Tweek paused, as he didn’t expect a question like this, the interruption made his head go blank. He blinked his eyes hard as if to reboot. “Yes- no, uhm, no! I haven’t finished…”

“Well, you should fin—”

“No!” Tweek cut into Craig’s speech, and drew Craig’s attention to his face. “What about you? _You should_ go and have lunch!”

“Are… Are you worrying about me?” Craig stood up. “I am fine, don’t have to eat.” He smiled again, but Tweek could tell that this smile was not the same as the one Craig offered to the flowers. This smile was somewhat held-back. This was a reserved, melancholic lip movement disguising as a smile.

_What am I doing here?_ Tweek thought to himself, _I set out to apologise for taking his friends, but now I took away his smile as well!_

“I am so sorry Craig.” Tweek said, looking at Craig’s black eyes. “I mean… I am sorry for taking away Token and Clyde. You guys used to be a group right?”

“ _We_ used to be a group, Tweek.” Craig corrected him. “Uh- but it’s okay, since you don’t… Remember.” 

“I am sorry for that as well.”

“Don’t apologise for the accident, that wasn't your fault.”

“I am apologising because it seems that I have hurt you.” Tweek took a deep breath, “I guess I am kinda sorry for the fact that our friendship— or romance as they suggested… Vanished, because it must have caused you inconvenience. I- I was avoiding you and I took your friends away, now I even ruined your flower smile! I am sorry, I really didn’t want to… Hurt anyone.”

“My flower smile?” Craig said the term as if it was some alien language.

“Gah! Anyway!" Tweek blushed, and shyly pulled out his right hand. "Can we start over? Uhm, I am… Tw-Tweek Tweak. I- I wanna be friends.”

Craig looked at Tweek’s loose sleeve which slipped down Tweek’s hand, revealing some of the bandages. The standing boy pulled out his hand in correspondence, very delicately he held onto the fragile hand and shook it. “Sure. The name is Craig Tucker.”

Craig noticed that Tweek’s hand was as soft as before, and the warmth of his palm reassured Craig how real this scene was. He knew at that moment that he didn’t lose his Tweek, the sweet-natured blonde was still there, Craig rejoiced over that thought. He should be happy, but peculiarly, tears started to well up in his eyes.

“Cra- Craig? Are you alright?” Tweek widened his concerned green eyes.

“Yes… Tweek,” returned Craig, with a slightly reddened nose, but still he managed to repress his weird inclination of crying. “Cinnamon roll Tweek.”

“What…?”

Looking at the adorably confused blonde, a smile finally bloomed on Craig’s face in joy, it was one that engaged his cheek muscles and caused his eyes to beam into lines, or in Tweek’s terms, a “flower smile”. Tweek returned a bright grin that was as genuine, the stoic figure had never looked nicer under the sun, he realised, Craig wasn’t at all scary.


	7. Permission

“So… Let me get this straight…” Clyde moved his hands apart like they were swiping across a flat surface, “you and Tweek, are friends now, and you are completely okay with it?”

“Yes,” Craig stared at the road, where Tweek just waved them goodbye from his father’s Ford. 

“Eh, Craig, I am not sure how to react to this too,” Token said, “I like that the four of us can stay together again, but isn’t this a bit weird…?”

“Yea dude—” Clyde paused “—you guys were so in love…”

“I—” Craig stuttered, the word “love” provoked him. Indeed there was love in between them, but unfortunately, Craig was the only one hit by Cupid’s arrow. What they had before was entirely fabricated, and lying apparently stressed out Tweek so much that turned him amnesic. Craig thought about this mess vaguely for a second, and then in the next, he decided, “well, screw it, whatever.”

“Tweek and I were not dating.” 

“Uh, we know, you guys told us during lunchtime.” Clyde started to walk down the street, without giving Craig’s revelation much thought.

“No,” Craig was still standing in place, he looked around the empty streets to confirm an absence of nosy gossipers, “I mean, Tweek and I never dated. Our relationship was staged.”

“Ha-ha-ha,” Token enunciated a sarcastic smile while following Clyde’s steps, only to stop after realising that Craig was not moving, looking at the two of them with earnest eyes under a pair of furrowed brows.

“Guys, I am serious.”

Suddenly it hit Token and Clyde that this wasn’t a joke at all, their jaws dropped, hitting Craig with multiple deformed and slurred questions.

Although it started too long ago for him to recall all the details, Craig tried to make sense of himself, he made an effort to explain how they failed breaking up for the first time, how the yaoi thing just wouldn’t stop whether or not Tweek and he were together, how town’s atmosphere forced them back together, and how they got used to each other for 8 whole years as “platonic boyfriends”.

“SO YOU GUYS,” Clyde was almost screaming at this point, “fake-dated—for almost a decade—and never told us?!”

Token was also hurt from the fact the supposed love-birds kept such a huge secret from them, but he couldn’t help to exclaim,“and woah— if it is imaginary, damn, you guys act good.”

“I know it’s kind of an asshole thing to lie, especially to your friends,” Craig looked down at the ground, his memory triggered irritation, “but the world didn’t give us an option, it forced us to be something that we are not. It was either that, or the whole town got caught up in this weird depression of two gay kids breaking up; so we decided to lie… Thoroughly.”

“I don’t believe it… The way you guys look at each other is so…” Clyde paused and surprised Craig with his next question, “Are you guys not even gay?”

“Well… I couldn’t care less about labels,” Craig hesitated and then shrugged, “um— Don’t know about Tweek though. We... We don’t talk about this.”

“So how long do you guys want to keep this going?”

“Ugh— Don’t know, until one of us found a real date maybe… Or till we move out of town for college…” Craig mumbled, “you know, when we started this, the future seemed so far away, we couldn’t even begin to picture it… We thought it would just eventually die down.”

“I need to take a breather goddamit…” Clyde clutched onto the straps of his backpack that went over his shoulders. Token gave him a gentle pat on his shoulder, knowing that this dork here was a low-key shipper of his two best-friends. 

“Craig,” Token turned to further-away confessing boy, “thank you for letting us know now. We appreciate it. Lovers or not, the four of us can still be the happiest team there is. Right, Clyde?”

“Just not as drama-free as I thought we used to be!” Clyde looked up to the both of the boys and complained.

Craig let out a quick laugh, “Tweek and I were the only gay couple in town, girls made a stupid fan club to worship our relationship, how is that drama-free anyway!”

“Hey the fan club is not stup—” Clyde charged, then his voice flattened halfway through, finally it collapses into a laugh, “okay… It is kind of stupid.”

Looking at his smiling friends, Craig felt slight relief. Although Craig was not courageous enough to come clean with them about his recent (realisation of his) crush on Tweek, he felt like he had done enough, that part was not important to the story anyway.

_This is it, this is my first step to leave behind the past._

“Anyway this shenanigan is pointless now that Tweek had forgotten everything,” Craig rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort and gave a pity smile, “this has apparently stressed him out so much that it gave him an amnesia… I want to take this opportunity to start anew, so I can have a not so fucked-up friendship with him. That’s why I am glad to have him back just as a friend.”

Craig’s explanations served the purpose of proving his rationality to his friends. Token and Clyde seemed to have taken the truth well, they eventually stopped posing weird questions. The trio agreed not to purposely bring up this fake-dating incident in front of Tweek to prevent the nervous blonde from possible freak-outs; as according to Craig, it was best to “let this burden be buried into the past”.

“Hey,” Clyde joked before the waving good-bye, “so now I can hug Tweek whenever I want right?”

Craig fell silent for a moment before he realised he was no longer in position to give permission, “Duh.” He then put on his signature smirk, “FUCK YOU CLYDE.” 

**

12:34 am. It had been a long night. 

Staring at the clock, Craig couldn’t sleep, he liked how the numerals lined up, it seemed to him that everything gets a little more interesting when insomnia strikes. The sleepless boy was having mixed feelings, his mind kept bouncing back to, of course, Tweek— and how their secret was not exclusive to them anymore, he felt a little lonely. It sure felt good to be honest, but the fear that the truth may bite back at him which emerged afterwards was also rather haunting.

But then, his friends accepted his story pretty quickly, and Tweek was back into his life again. Craig still couldn’t swipe away the image of Tweek smiling in the garden, it had been too long. Craig balled his fist to reimagine the warmth he felt when they shook hands. He held his fist close to his heart. 

_Focus on the good things, Craig Tucker. Either way, tomorrow is a new day._

He had no idea what future had in store for him. But at this point, Craig knew he deserved a little joy. He had gone through too much in the past two weeks, the tired boy slowly drifted into sleep from the turmoil his heart had been bearing.


	8. All my unanswered questions

“Goo-good morning, guys!” Tweek slowly walked towards the crew with the help of his crutches, his face was shinning with a faint hint of pride.

“Hi Tweekers!” Clyde rushed towards Tweek and robbed him of his messenger bag, and stuck his face into Tweek’s, with their foreheads almost touching, “NO HEAVY STUFF.”

“It isn’t heavy, Clyde…” Tweek said, “gah! You are incredibly touchy lately…”

“Your disappearance kinda sensitised his nervous system,” Craig snatched the bag from Clyde’s hands and separated them, he hung the bag on his shoulder, and posed a smile towards Tweek, “hi.”

Tweek replied with a gentle grin and joked, “and I thought I was the nervous system here!” He dared to steal a short, direct glance at Craig’s dark eyes, then quickly, he fixed his eyes onto the fabric of his blue clothes, at Tweek’s eye level.

“Oh Tweek.” Token responded, with an elaborate drop of his name, “you know you just have to cut on caffeine.”

Tweek embarrassingly brushed off Token’s suggestion, knowing that he was probably right, but he also knew that he had been so much better in regards to his coffee (laced with something dangerous) addiction now. 

It had been a while since Tweek left the hospital, and ever since the accident, peculiarly enough, things seemed to have worked out better for him. The accident was like an angry kick in a glitching machine, which successfully smoothened its run. Tweek still drank coffee, but he no longer _lived off_ that. Nothing seemed too scary or painful after what he had gone through, and he realised that he was not as stressful before. He would like to think that it was because he was a survivor, and the accident made everything else looked lame. _Forest creatures stealing my underpants? Psst. A car almost stole my bottom section. Aliens dissecting me during my sleep? Psst. The doctors already did that…_

_No. That wasn’t it._

He was a lot calmer now, with the extremes of his emotions being smudged off. The intense anxiety and stress was no more, but at the same time a distant blissful feeling that he knew of disappeared alongside. He felt as if something important was gone, but he couldn’t recall what it was. Day after day, Tweek became more convinced that the accident was not the prime reason for his change of mind. 

Sometimes he would find himself staring at random objects, or scenery, and his mind would itch and jump around the idea that this meant something, and there was something he was supposed to remember. He looked hard into the past, and he tried to ruffle through the drawers inside his head, yes, constructing conspiracy theories were one of his pastimes, but it did not feel personal enough to bring back what had been mentally scarring him. He realised that he had forgotten his stressor.

Tweek suspected it to be related to Craig.

At least, according to everybody, that was the only thing (person) that he didn’t remember. But Tweek didn’t like this idea, no, not a single bit. It had been weeks since he befriended Craig, and so far Craig had been nothing but nice, if not _sweet_ , to him. He would admit that the cold image of Craig threw him off initially, but this hard candy had a lush surprise centre; Craig was patient, loyal to his friends, reliable, mature, at times funny, and had a nerdy side that mismatched his demeanour, but adorned his charisma.

He thought of a time when Craig re-introduced to Tweek his love of the galaxy and his childhood dream of wanting to become a spaceman, he kept pausing half-way through to sigh in embarrassment. Tweek would even use “cute” to describe him, and in contrast to his towering height, the meaning of the word just got intensified a thousand folds.

Tweek refused to believe that such a delightful being could have caused him stress. Besides, judging by all the evidence on social media platforms, Tweek seemed to have enjoyed being with Craig. If Craig was an abusive boyfriend, they would never be able to pull such happy faces together in every photo they were in. And Tweek wouldn’t have pictures of Craig everywhere in his room. When his parents bought him a new mobile phone to replace the one died from the car crush (alongside with all his conversation history with all the contacts), his parents made such a remark, “we are sorry that you and Craig have to rebuild your conversation streak, you used to be so happy about that record number.” All the evidence Tweek gathered so far suggested that Craig had been showering Tweek with love while it lasted.

_So why couldn’t I remember this happy relationship that I was in?_

Tweek sighed in confusion, also in frustration. He was wondering if Craig held something that he didn’t know, but he didn’t know how to bring up this topic. He also didn’t know what kind of answer to expect from Craig. More importantly, what if figuring out the past ruin what they had in present? Tweek was by nature curious, but he was in no way a risk-taker. The present was peaceful, and he wanted to linger a little longer.

“Tweek..?” Craig knitted his eyebrows and waved his hand in front of Tweek.

“Huh? I am sorry?” Tweek realised that he spaced out for too long, and must have missed a question posed to him.

“After school. My house. New PS4 game,” Token summarised, “you are coming right?”

“Yes,” Tweek grinned. He didn’t know which game they are going to play, but he knew that he would be the happiest being where his friends were. "I'll tell my dad not to come drive me home today."

**

After another hectic school day, Tweek sighed as he was waiting for the elevator. The elevator was normally access-restricted for students, but he was given special permission until he could ditch those crutches. He wasn’t the brightest in his class to begin with, and skipping two weeks of content had proven rather detrimental to his understanding of geometry.

He thought of going back to his house instead of hanging out with the gang tonight, if he failed this class, he would not have enough credits to graduate. But just as his shoulder angel was about to convince him, a deep yet jumpy voice rang from the back.

“Tweek!” Craig said. His last lesson wasn’t the same as Tweek, a coincidental bumping-into like this just made him extra excited, and he didn’t manage to hide it in his voice. “You sure walk fast for a person with crutches!”

“O-oh hi Craig.”

Craig stared at the panel that blinks “6/F”, and asked, “how long have you waited?”

“Quite a while, ugh— it seems that it can never come down today...” Tweek scorned.

“It is just two floors.” Craig stated, and as Tweek was about to backfire at him and hit him with one of his crutches, Craig added, “why don’t I just carry you?”

For a second they both fell silent, Tweek was rather startled at the idea. Craig was still holding onto the familiar concept of having Tweek in his arms until he realised it was such an awkward offer, the happiness from before dazzled him and made things went off his tongue without much consideration. He backed off, “well uh… I mean, just saying— I— I have carried you before when you broke your ankle that summer and also— when you slept…”

Tweek had images of himself bumping into mental fences and collapsing onto the floor with his bike flashing inside his head. It was his thirteenth summer and he spent days lamenting. Somehow he didn’t know that there was a boy who carried him up and down staircases for an entire week. He recalled getting help from somebody, but it never occurred to him that it was Craig. This idea intrigued him, he wondered how it felt to be held.

“Ugh,” Craig pinched his nose bridge, internally cursing himself for offering. “Forget it. I will wait for you downsta—“

“Yes please.” Tweek said, and caught Craig off guard, “please?” 

Craig opened his mouth wide, not expecting Tweek to agree. He blushed at the notion of touching, holding, being so close to Tweek. This wasn’t healthy, he knew, for it would only nurture his secretive interest in this boy, but Craig went on and scoped Tweek up anyway.

“AAH!” Tweek grasped upon getting picked up so suddenly. “A bridal carry?!” One of Craig’s arms was around Tweek’s back, holding onto his waist; another around the bend in his knees. Tweek’s hand was hanging behind Craig’s neck round his broad shoulder, awkwardly holding his crutch almost horizontally; another waving up in the mid air, not knowing where to rest upon.

“Wrap your hand around my shoulder.” Craig said, he tried concentrating on his footsteps and began to walk. Students (mostly females) around them started to make weird noises, Tweek was confused, but getting so intimate with his friend here stole the focus.

“Be- be careful,” Tweek looked at Craig in a close proximity, and with a small voice he noted, “I am not as light-weighted as I was when I was thirteen.”

Craig breathed out a light smile, “I know.”

From Craig’s steady motion, Tweek could tell that Craig wasn’t lying about having carried him before. _He seemed… practiced._ Tweek looked up to detect the strong jawline and the angular nose of Craig, he tried to memorise this scene, and then to morph his memory of that summer with this present moment. In the end, he found himself inventing a scenario of the present Craig carrying a younger version of himself in his head, he pouted in discontent, but had his negative emotions dismissed when they arrived at the school entrance. 

Finally when Craig put Tweek down, the people (the females) gave out another wave of weird noises again. Craig cleared his throat to make it clear that he was very much annoyed. 

“You ok?” Tweek asked, “you look… Red.”

Craig nodded with eyes still not being able to look downwards directly. He felt stupid, how could he be shy about it when he was the one who suggested the act? Craig shook away the question, he then gently removed the messenger bag from Tweek, it was notably heavier than it was this morning.

“Thanks dude!” Tweek grinned and giggled, “it sure feels nice to be pampered like a child.”

Craig was busy thinking of a reply when his phone in his jacket vibrated in a timely fashion. It was Token.

[Nov 09 15:08] Token  
Damn

[Nov 09 15:08] Token  
Stupid Clyde got caught texting in class

[Nov 09 15:08] Token  
Mrs Hat is giving him an 1on1 talk now lol

[Nov 09 15:09] Token  
I am waiting for him outside class

[Nov 09 15:09] Token  
Tweek and Craig you guys meet up first

“Yikes,” Craig clenched his teeth.

“Who was it?”

“Token,” Craig said, “in group chat.”

Instead of taking out his phone and turning it on, Tweek instinctually leaned towards Craig to take a peek. Craig once again smelled the shampoo in Tweek’s hair. “Yikes,” he echoed Craig’s response, “Mrs Hat is extremely long-winded.”

“Exactly, they should have listened to me when I told them not to take Economics.” 

“The point is to avoid getting caught!” Tweek winked, “I wonder who Clyde was texting though.”

“Oh— He was texting me.”

“CRAIG!” Tweek burst out laughing, and his laughter was contagious, Craig couldn’t help but snicker at a misery that he partially created. 

The boys then decided to walk around the campus instead of just standing, actually, Tweek prompted the idea, there was one specific place that he would always want to visit again.

“The botanical garden really calms me down.” Tweek took a deep breath, and to his delight, the garden was empty once again. “Nobody ever comes here, I guess that’s why I like this place so much.”

“That’s one of the reasons.” Craig remarked. This was the first time they ever visited this place together after that day when Tweek was still in his wheelchair, Craig was glad that Tweek was recovering so quickly. He looked at the blonde’s back and followed his steps. Craig maintained a short distance between them such that Tweek wouldn’t feel pressurised to proceed faster with crutches. And when Tweek stopped, he found himself in front of the patch of soft, medium blue again.

“Craig,” Tweek said, “the flowers you are looking at when we met here— they are doing really well!”

“They are wild flowers, of course they’d spread easily.”

“They are amazing,” Tweek said, “I fell in love the first time I saw them that day.”

“Tweek…” Craig felt an urge to correct him, for this specific thing he didn’t want Tweek to forget, “that wasn’t the first time you saw this. We planted this together.”

Tweek widened his eyes. At once, scenes of him gently laying down the seeds, filling up cans after cans of water flinched in Tweek’s head. This time he was sure that he was actually remembering instead of imagining, he could see himself kneeling down in a first person perspective, he gasped for breath in amazement, but he still didn’t see Craig in any of the memory pieces. Wanting to know more, he asked, “what are these flowers called?”

“They are forget-me-nots.” Craig paused, and smiled to himself at the irony lurking in the name. Of course, of course, good one, fate.

“Gah! God! I almost actually forget about them!” Tweek exclaimed in surprise, his eyes smiled in the light of realisation, “I remember them now! They must be the real reason why I like this place.”

Craig remained silent. His mouth went dry.

“Craig?”

“No,” Craig uttered, he felt as if he had been wronged, he frowned, “I don’t think that it is… Although it is true that the flowers are pretty…”

“What? What do you mean?” Tweek’s heart went on a weird race, he sensed the suspense in the atmosphere, and it sparked his curiosity.


	9. Gamer's night

“DAMN!” Clyde threw his controller across the room. “This game is shit!”

“DAMN DUDE!” Token picked up the controller and scorned, “my babe is innocent.”

Clyde felt like he had been cheated, the game they had been anticipating for so long, turned out to be super easy to beat and was just a rehash of the previous game of its line. Clyde sighed in frustration.

“Dude,” he stole a glare at the classical gold-framed clock on Token’s wall, “can we order pizza? I am starving.”

“… You are staying for dinner?” Token questioned.

“What the heck?” Clyde stood up, acting hurt, “I can't stay? Ouch! My feelings!”

Token gave him a sly smile, he was actually glad that Clyde offered to stay. His parents had been absent in the dinning hall for too long, he forgot how nice it was to enjoy food in the presence of somebody after a long day — even though fast food was not the best choice of gourmet there was. 

Token turned to Craig and Tweek at the back, they both had long abandoned the game. Craig was helping Tweek with his Maths homework, the couple was so engaged in this game of numbers, Token really didn’t want to disturb them. 

“… You guys are still doing homework?”

“Uh! Uh yes…” Tweek looked up. “Sorry.” He did mean it, taking your homework to somebody’s place when they invited you over for games— _what kind of nerd does that?_ But he couldn’t turn down Craig’s suggestion to teach him Maths at Token’s house, he knew he could really use some help, especially when Craig was a numerical genius.

“No, no, it’s cool,” Token said, “the game is shit anyway… Clyde is staying over for dinner, so I was wondering if-“

“Dinner?” Craig overheard and looked back at Token.

“Yes guys,” Token replied, “um- how about that?”

“Let’s stay!” Clyde draped his arm across Token’s shoulder, and said to Craig and Tweek, “Token is lonely.”

“HEY.” Token playfully punched Clyde in his stomach. As much as he wanted to deny, Clyde did get it right.

“Uh, sure,” Craig automatically pulled out his phone, “let me text my mum.” But before he actually started composing the text, he looked across at Tweek and asked, “can you stay too?”

It was uncommon for Tweek to dine out, his family was quick to judge how unhealthy restaurants’ food could be. Nonetheless, perhaps out of teenage rebellion, Tweek actually prefer eating outside, to take a break from blend dishes or leftover cafe food, he just have to make sure that what he was going to eat wasn’t poisoned. 

“I want to,” he said. 

**

As Craig left to the bathroom, Tweek found himself staring at his Maths homework, instead of the another new game that Token and Clyde were trying out. His mind circled back to this afternoon, when Craig told him about their secret, that not even Token and Clyde knew about.

“It was your idea,” Craig bit his lips and blushed, “we buried a time capsule here.”

“A what?! How?! Why?!”

“You read some book about a guy. And then his wife dug up something after some alien abducted him.” Craig tilted his head, “uh— I am not good with books. Anyway then you got inspired… It was two winters ago, we buried some childhood toys and we both wrote letters to our future selves. You said we could only dig it up when it is our graduation.” 

“Wow,” Tweek’s eyes sparkled, “that’s kind of cool…” He stared down at the patch of blue, he was really curious, he wondered what he put down there. “But what if someone finds it?”

Craig smiled, Tweek had the same concern back then when Craig suggested this location, “Trust me. This garden is too large for anyone to care. And nobody will dig this fucking deep.” He just repeated what he said back then.

“Do you still remember what you buried?”

“Some items, yes…” Craig said and laughed, “Even some bits of the letter I wrote to my future self. I am gonna cringe so hard when I actually get to read the entire thing.”

“No fair!” Tweek said, “I don’t even remember that there was a time capsule!”

“Well,” Craig looked at Tweek’s sparkling eyes, clearly fascinated with the idea of the time capsule, and so he wittily said, “I could spare you a quick peek into your childhood, interested?”

And they would have actually dug up what had been buried so deep if it wasn’t for Token’s call. In order not to keep their friends waiting, they decided to leave that for now. Craig promised that Tweek could go back anytime with him to dig that back up, and waved him good-bye before they met shortly again at Token’s place.

Tweek shifted back his attention to the present, he leafed through the exercises he completed in the past hour. Craig was really good at this, and his patience was just incredible. Tweek felt warmth springing in his heart, not many friends will ditch a game (even a shitty one) to teach a dumb kid Maths. Even if it was Maths, the most detestable subject there was to Tweek, Craig made the time enjoyable. In fact, whenever they got to spend time together, it seemed to Tweek that that period would turn out to be enjoyable.

_Thank you, Craig._

Tweek goofily smiled to himself, and buried his head in folded arms resting on the table. 

“Tweek?” Craig lowered his head and quickly brought himself close to Tweek, he asked, “you feeling ok?” A bad chill that Tweek was feeling sick ran down Craig’s spine, it made he worried. And one could only imagine how surprised he was when Tweek lifted up his head to reveal the sweetest smile.

When Tweek’s eyes met Craig’s, he had to re-orientate himself, those dark eyes were widened in concern, but still they look so good, just like the mysterious yet intriguing galaxy. His heart raced, probably because he didn’t think that the reason of his smile would appear in person so close to him in real life in such a timing.

“Yes,” Tweek said, still shinning with his smile. “Thanks, Craig.”

Rosy cheeks wouldn’t look good on Craig. At least that’s what Craig thought.

But Tweek would disagree. As soon as he saw the faint blush on Craig, which he would like to think that it was an reaction to his words, Tweek decided that he would smile a thousand times just to see this rare look on this guy. His smile stroke Tweek as familiar. 

_It was so weirdly satisfying to see this guy blush._ Tweek felt as if he had found something missing at that moment. Craig felt his cheeks heated up, he shifted his chullo hat in shyness, which caused the yellow puffball that sat on the top to adorably shuffle.

 _But then, maybe it is just because I like contrasts_ , sadly Tweek wasn’t sure.


	10. The dark

After an hour of pizza and bad toilet humour, the boys sloppily sat themselves down on the couch. The television was on, but nobody was really paying attention. As the self-proclaimed enthusiastic diplomat Clyde suggested, _true friends do alone stuff together_. In this quiet situation which would be described as “awkward silence” by outsiders, the four were instead comfortable with themselves. They were rather absorbed in their own smart phones, except for Tweek, he could barely keep his eyes open at this hour — thanks to the empty thermos that Tweek forgot to refill with coffee before coming here.

Upon a glimpse of Tweek dozing off, Craig realised that it was time to go. Just as he was about to suggest it, Tweek’s phone rang with maximum volume and gave everyone a shake in their heads.

“Uh-uh!” Tweek clumsily rumbled through the contents in his bag to find his phone, “hello?” He signed a “sorry” to his friends as he picked up the call.

Craig could hear the mumbling sound coming from the other end of Tweek’s mobile, but he couldn’t make sense of the content. He noticed a twitch in Tweek’s face. 

“… ” Tweek paused, and closed his eyes tightly, before he finally relaxing his facial muscles, “I-I see.”

 _Who is it?_ Craig knitted his eyebrows.

“Oh… Right!” Tweek said, “yes, o-okay, I know. I am leaving.”

_What are they talking about?_

“No-no-no-no!” Tweek twitched, and he waved his hands in the air even though the caller couldn’t see them, “gah! It’s fine, dad! I can come home by myself!”

_Oh._

Craig grabbed Tweek’s phone, “Mr. Tweak?”

“… Craig?” A familiar, rough voice of the old barista rang through.

“Hi sir,” Craig said, “I can walk him home if you want to.”

Craig eventually convinced Mr. Tweak to not drive to Token’s place in promise of walking Tweek home. Tweek felt like he was somehow handled like a child again, but while walking home with his crutches in the cold, he was glad that Craig offered to walk him home. He could really use some help carrying bags of homework. He had a trouble of packing light — he didn’t know how to.

“Boy, today’s games have been shitty,” Craig commented, trying to open a topic.

“I guess so,” Tweek looked back at Craig, who was a few steps behind, “but you didn’t really get to play.”

“I watched Token and Clyde, same thing.”

Tweek smiled, “Craig, thanks for tutoring me.” He sneakily tried to put on that smile earlier today and looked into Craig’s eyes again, in an attempt to trigger the rare expression on the otherwise cold face.

“Uh-huh.” Craig was frankly rather intolerant of Tweek’s sweet smile, but he would never admit it. Looking away from Tweek, he tried to keep his calm, “you said it already. Don’t mention it.”

 _Turns out it was easier than it seems to see him acting shy_ , Tweek teasingly smiled to himself. _That’s cute._ He thought, and kept that unspoken.

“An-anyway,” Craig tried to change the topic, “what did your dad say?”

_Huh?_

Craig’s question interrupted Tweek’s train of thought, he briefly considered the option of lying, or being selectively honest, but he was also eager to know why Craig would ask such a question.

“H-he told me to come home. Why?”

“I mean… _What else_.” Craig explained, “you… You don’t look so good after that phone call.”

Tweek was somehow taken aback by his observance, his steps became heavier, and soon he stopped walking, “you noticed…”

“You could tell me anything,” Craig hustled to the front of Tweek, to catch a look of his face, "uh, I mean, if you want to.”

“... The police called,” Tweek flatly repeated what his father just told him on the phone, trying to marginalise himself from the issue, “my dad said they have caught the driver who was responsible for the crush, they are charging him with dangerous driving.”

“Oh…” Craig felt stupid for bringing up such a sorrowful topic, he initially thought it was just somehow about broken coffee machines, or poor grades, or his father’s conspiracy theories about how dangerous this town could get at night. He thought it was like before, that he would know how to talk Tweek out of his worry. “He gets punished for his mistake, that is good… Right?” Craig hesitantly asked.

“I don’t know…” Tweek said, “I don’t even know that person, penalising him now won’t give me back what he took from me.” His sorry eyes were fixated directly on Craig’s, “he took ‘us’ away from me.”

Craig was driven incapable of speaking upon hearing the word “us”. This was the first time Tweek addressed this issue, Craig knew it must have taken all of Tweek’s courage to do so, but he didn’t know if he could continue the discussion. 

“No…” Craig said, in an attempt to be cheerful, he forced a smile, “we are still here. The present is what that matters.”

“But I want to remember the past!” Tweek would have stomped his feet if he could, he felt mistreated.

“Tweek, the past is insignificant when you compare it to your years ahead…”

“No!” Tweek resented, “a piece of me had been ripped away— I don’t like to feel incomplete! I know we could act normal, b-but nothing really is!”

_No. Stupid. Don’t cry._

“At first I was just curious, but then it felt helpless…”

_No._

“Every time I look at something, I suspect if that meant anything extra to me.”

_Jesus christ._

“This is tiring... I just want to feel secure again…”

_You useless-_

Suddenly, Tweek felt a pair of arms folding around him, and to his dismay, his tears slid down his cheeks. Craig’s arms were warm, and they held Tweek very tightly, the embrace quieted down his inner voice that had been dissing himself. Craig honestly didn’t think much of what to do when he saw tears welling up in Tweek’s eyes, he just acted according to his instinct to hug him. Craig knew it would calm him down, still, it didn’t mean that he had been immune to the contagious sadness.

“Sorry Tweek…” Craig unfolded his arms and firmly grabbed onto Tweek’s shoulder, he said, “it is alright.”

“It's ok if you forget,” he stared into Tweek’s eyes, "I remember the past for the both of us."

“We are no- no longer… boyfriends.” Tweek blushed at the idea, “you don’t have to do anything for me.”

“Screw that! You are still my best friend! Tweek, and… And that’s alright.” Craig breathed out a smile, hoping to hide that he was wounded, “trust me?”

“Your eyes are so difficult to read sometimes,” Tweek eventually looked away in timidness, "... I trust you.”

“Then that’s enough,” Craig let go of Tweek’s shoulders, and gave him a brief ruffle in his hair, “Don’t cry. I will tell you everything. But now, let’s get you home.”

The moon lit up the empty streets, as the shadows of the pair got dragged longer and longer. The pair remained silent for a while, Tweek tried to calm himself down and back away from his tendency to cry again, he knew he wasn’t the toughest South Park kid around, but crying in front of another guy was really kind of embarrassing. No matter how close he felt they were, in Tweek’s mind, they only met for a month, tops. He realised that he was blushing, perhaps from embarrassment, perhaps from Craig’s hug, perhaps even from the weather, he couldn’t tell. The blonde cupped his faces with his cold hands, hopefully to calm down whatever that was going on inside him. He was glad that it was nighttime, so the darkness could shatter him from being seen.

Heedless to him, that night, Craig was entirely engulfed in guilt from the lie. He made a promise that he didn’t even plan to keep. Although he did so just to calm Tweek down, but still it was a lie. He felt guilty, but the guilt didn’t make him back down from keeping the fake-dating incident a secret from Tweek.

He was in too deep to tell the truth now. He knew he could never come clean with Tweek about everything in the past. What would Tweek think of him if he discovered that their friendship was never genuine in the first place? What if Tweek failed to understand the circumstances back then and see this lie as too disgusting to live with? What if it stressed him out once again and this time it cleared all of his memory? What if Tweek… hated him? Craig was not a pessimist, but he just had to make sure. Losing Tweek would never be a risk that he could take.

_Sorry, Tweek._


	11. Time

Tweek had lost his crutches for a few days now and nobody seemed to be more excited than Craig about this fact. As if to celebrate, the boys had been spending a significantly greater proportion of their time together outdoors, instead of being invested in video games.

On a breezy Sunday afternoon, Craig and Tweek were casually strolling around the pond, right when Craig was about to unfold the truth about how he got out of trouble from lying to the local police, his phone went off. The ringtone broke the gentle tranquillity in the air, startled the two absorbed boys, waking them up from what was like a nice dream they had during a comfy nap.

"Tsk..." Craig looked at the flashing screen and muted the ringtone.

"You're not answering it?" the blonde boy wanted to peep at the caller ID, but that wouldn't be too polite, he asked instead, "who's that?"

"It's Kyle," Craig showed Tweek his phone's flashing screen, proceeded to shove the still-vibrating phone back into the pocket of his jeans. "Ignore him. He's calling me for the practice."

"Practice?" Tweek was confused, "you have practice today?!" Tweek looked at his watch, for the good few hours that Craig and him had been hanging out, he couldn't recall hearing Craig mentioning anything related to his practice. 

"Yea from 2 to 6."

"What- Why didn't you go...?"

"Meh." Craig folded his arms behind his head, and looked upwards to avoid eye contact with Tweek, "not important, I just don't wanna go."

"You..." Tweek stumbled, as he felt a guiltily pleasant suspicion rose in his head. _Did he skip practice just to chill with me?_ He blushed and quickly dismissed the thought.

Tweek stared at his watch again. 2:27pm. _Craig could still have a few hours if he made it to school right now._

The phone in Craig's pocket stopped vibrating, but as soon as Craig looked down and caught Tweek checking the time, he knew the righteous boy was gonna act as his shoulder angel, just like always. Craig put on an unwilling expression and made a weird sound.

"Aaaah no... Don't tell me to go-"

"You should go to your basketball practice now." Tweek solemnly suggested.

_I couldn't have you skipped practice for me._

As Tweek deemed that to be a bit too egotistical to say, he swallowed the idea and just stared at Craig's puppy eyes.

"Wow. You didn't even stumble." Knowing that he could hardly reject those innocent eyes, and especially the fact that he was in the wrong this time, Craig compiled. As his phone went off again, he picked it up instantly, before the angry caller could yell something about responsibility at him, Craig quickly mumbled, "be there in 10." 

**

"Sorry that Kyle doesn't allow people watch us practise... He said he doesn't want any distraction for the team." Craig rolled his eyes, with one of his hands pushing open the door entering the school gymnasium.

"That- that's fine." Tweek smiled, "you should learn from him, always super serious."

"Right..." Craig stopped for a second, and he seemed uncomfortable, "uh, tha- thanks for walking to school with me, and waiting for me to get changed and all that shit... Got to go now." The tall figure took one step into the gymnasium, an attempt to walk away from the intimate situation. 

"No- no problem!" Tweek was smiling even harder upon hearing Craig, _why does it always hit me when I least expect it?_ For quite some times now, when Craig awkwardly paused when confessing something, Tweek would find his heart racing a little faster than it should.

Reflexively, Tweek took a small step following Craig, and stopped him from going in too soon, "maybe I should pick you up from practice afterwards, just like how you picked me up from the coffee shop this morning."

Craig was delighted to hear this suggestion, he couldn't resist, "sure! Let's grab dinner together!"

Spotting a blonde outside the door after the two bid goodbye to one another, Stan Marsh, another player on the team, curiously asked, "is that Tweek?"

"Yes." Craig coldly replied and sent a glare, "why?"

A bit intimidated, Stan explained himself, "hey, calm down, I'm not into your dude, you don't have to square up whenever people ask about Tweek."

"Uh..." Craig was taken aback by Stan's observation, he shook it off and began the warm-up exercise. "I didn't mean it. And Tweek isn't "my dude"."

Stan lightly tilted his head, "aren't you two dating again?"

"What... No! We let everyone know it is over on Tweek's first day to school, remember?"

"Really..."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well," Stan picked up a basketball and tossed it between his hands, "you said you separated but then you two are seen together _every single day_. The girls... Well, my girlfriend, told me that you two are back together so the girls started the yaoi thing again. I think they're publishing something next week."

"What the fuck." If that was at all biologically possible, Craig would have rolled his eyes all the way to his spinal cord. 

"Tell your girlfriend to grow the fuck up." Craig snickered. He robbed the basketball swiftly out of Stan's hands and rushed towards the backboard. He had to, he couldn't afford to let Stan see how he was amused by the idea of Tweek and him being together, and how that transformed into a light smirk on his face.

Right outside the gymnasium, Tweek was wandering aimlessly, while debating whether to continue strolling for a few hours, or should he go home instead, his mind bounced back to the pleasing thought that Craig chose him over practice. He felt warm, even under a chilly weather, his ears reddened and he was glad that Craig had left to practice, such that he couldn't see them. He remembered again how Craig told him to trust his eyes and how beautiful they were that night. He allowed his mind to unwind by completely soaking in past events.

Although they didn't directly talk about their relationship ever since, Craig kept his promise of being Tweek's memory keeper, he would tell him the stuff that they did together, the places that they went to before. To Tweek's dismay, none of that successfully caused any old memories to resurface; however, at the same time, Tweek was glad to be able to create new memories with Craig. 

Craig was basically everything he wasn't. And everything that Tweek adored.

He imagined how he fell for this guy in the past. He imagined how he wallowed in the blissful feeling of always being somebody's preference. He imagined how Craig made him happy by giving him all the attention. He imagined how Craig made him safe by staying with him.

And the imagination would feel real, sometimes developing into a bodily sensation that embarrassed. 

Eventually Tweek would realise that these weren't sheer imagination at all. This guy was currently doing all this for him. The laps around the pond that they walked together this morning, for example, turned from an alleged memory into an experience so real and solid for Tweek to personally hold onto.

As sensitive as Tweek, it didn't take him too long to realise that he started to actually really like this guy. He would try not to think about it, but the feelings never completely go away. For days, or maybe weeks now, his effort to repress feelings was constantly in vain. Especially now that Craig looked so far from intimidating, Tweek could see himself saying “yes” to the pair of dark eyes if Craig ever suggested to pick up where they had left off their relationship.

But at the same time, Tweek was afraid that what he felt was just infatuation. _Yes, he is good-looking, his personality is my type, but that’s it! We have been together for only a very short period of time!_

He was glad that Craig never suggested such a thing, because he knew that he would never be able to resist that temptation. He was not sure if Craig still loved him, that was kind of weird to think about, but he knew he shouldn't take advantage of Craig’s residual feeling for him.

Tweek felt lonely upon such inspiration, _right, he loved me. He is nice, to the person that he remembered me to be._

The haunting thought froze Tweek in still motion, he stopped walking. 

_Craig's affection is directed to a person that I once was. That person is gone now as I lost my memory, but perhaps he would be back..._

_Wait... Is Craig nice to me now in hopes for that person to come back?_

He felt a weird aching sensation in his chest. Tweek crossed his hands over his chest, only to find out that his heart was racing with overwhelming fear. His shoulders tensed up. 

_What if I never recover my memory and I never become the person that Craig looked forward to seeing again?_

_Would Craig leave...?_

5:00 pm. The clock in the school tower rang whenever the minute head stroke 12, and the sound of the bells pulled Tweek back into reality.

His head reflexively turned towards the source of the sound, the clock tower. He was bewildered, he didn't realise he was so lost in his own thoughts, it was already late afternoon.

_Where did the time go?_

_Time..._

He let out a large gasp with his eyes wide opened.

_The time capsule!_

He searched for the direction and headed for which instantly. He thrilled at the idea that he may remember more, after all, he did recall for the first time the memory pieces related to Craig when they conversed in the botanical garden. How could he be so forgetful? He silently blamed himself.

He felt his heart pacing quick, and his legs getting sore. His breath fell short and it was difficult to keep going. He sprinted and threw himself to the gates as soon as his hands reached the bars, ready to push open and unearth a surprise.

BANG!

Tweek was met with an reaction force that pushed him backwards instead. He almost fell, luckily his hands held onto the bars tightly. 

In confusion, Tweek repeatedly gave the gates some good shakes, only to learn to terms with the facts that the mysterious garden was closed on the weekends.

Frustrated, Tweek sighed and tightly closed his eyes. He slowly sat down on the floor, with his back leaning against the gates. He had to catch his breath and re-orientate himself from the physical activity and excitement that cost him almost all of his power to live on.

The boy sank his head between his folded arms, and slowly, he recognised how ridiculous he must have looked sprinting to the garden like this just now, he breathed out a light chuckle. The excitement from just now still lingered in his heart. _There is still hope._ He looked up to inhale deeply, as if to sample this sense of positivity, the air was frosty and refreshing.

_You're more capable than you think._

Tweek suddenly heard a faint voice in his head. A deep yet calming voice that soothed his spazzing. A voice from a distant time, familiar and empowering. His eyes sparkled.

_You're more capable than you think._

Tweek cupped his mouth in amazement, he could hear it more clearly this time. He could feel a firm grab in his collar. He could see a young boy with pink cheeks, with a cool expression, however spewing an incredibly warm encouragement. 

It was Craig. Tweek almost choked vigorously on air upon the awing realisation. He couldn't pace down his heartbeats. He was beyond ecstatic, he finally recalled Craig for the first time, in his mind, on his own.


	12. Guilty

"Tweek!" Upon the sight of the blonde, Craig happily jogged towards him, "sorry to keep you waiting!"

"Craig!" Tweek looked away from his phone, and he stood up from the cold bench, he had been holding onto his exciting discovery, and almost exploded as he so anxiously waited.

"It's getting cold." Craig shivered, but he took off his jacket.

"Craig, I have something exciting to tell you!" Tweek had been hot just from thinking about the image he had before, weather had been the least of his concern, he didn't even notice that the sky had darkened as time slipped by, "you- you wouldn't believe it!"

"What is it?" Craig smiled at Tweek's child-like expression, he extended his arms and had them circled around Tweek, Craig gently hung his jacket over Tweek's shoulder. The smell of his shampoo diffused, Craig had developed a habit of showering after practice, instead of waiting till he was home, as advised by Tweek.

"I remembered you!" with a beaming and innocent grin, Tweek excitedly chanted. He spontaneously held onto Craig's jacket from the sides.

For a split second Craig's world froze, and Tweek's words echoed in daunting fashion in his head, the rim of his vision blackened and faded, everything began to lose focus; then in the next Craig was overcome with a wild thought, "Tweek, you're remembering me?!"

At the edge of his voice, fear filled his bosom. _What did he remember?_ Craig would never admit it, at least not directly, that he was afraid for Tweek to find out. With things as fine as they were now, he started to grow into the comfort of an impartial truth, why would anyone want to change any of that? Craig froze as his hands were still awkwardly holding onto the jacket over Tweek's shoulder.

"Just a little you," Tweek chuckled, "literally, a little you."

Tweek looked up to find a perplexed pair of eyes, Craig fell silent, and his face had stiffened up into a blank expression. Tweek felt slightly weirded out, admittedly Craig reacted very differently as he imagined. Assuming how Craig was nice to him for the sake of old times, he thought Craig would be adrenalised upon hearing the possibility of that his boyfriend may just come back to life any time, and Craig would be dead excited to finally see whom he had been longing to see so dearly.

_Maybe he was too overjoyed he malfunctioned?_

"Craig? Hello?" Tweek concernedly waved his hand in front of Craig's face.

Craig's brows knitted closer together, he snapped back and let go of the jacket. He felt himself slightly shaking as he balled his fists, Craig swallowed hard, "what- what did you remember?"

"I remembered when you encouraged me!" Tweek gently explained, "you said to me "you're more capable than you think", and you looked so little! We must be both super young, my room was still filled with- "

"Is that all?"

"Huh?" Tweek was stunned to find himself abruptly cut off by Craig. The idea of an impatient Craig was foreign, Craig seemed to be always be able to keep his cool.

"What else do you remember?" Craig spelt out those words tensely.

The blonde began to go into details of his remembrance, he tried to describe everything to the best of his ability. As he finished the story, the couple fell silent. Craig's expression gradually softened, as he kept his head down, he looked sorrowful. Slowly, Tweek was engulfed by a weird guilt, the previously-excited boy mimicked Craig's silence as he didn't know how to comfort the seemingly sad boy. He felt guilty for trying to give him a surprise, only to reveal that it was a false hope and so it must have shattered Craig.

"I'm so sorry Craig," Tweek stopped walking.

Craig turned around to meet eyes with the apologetic boy. "Huh..?"

"Don't be sad," Tweek was trying his absolute best to cheer somebody up, "I'm sure more will come to me when we dig up the time capsule! For two times now it triggered my memory!"

Upon hearing Tweek, a wicked idea clicked in Craig's head. The tall boy completely turned his body around to be facing Tweek, as he put on a mysterious smirk. 

_So it's the time capsule..._

Heedless to Tweek, the smile was empty and filled with dark intentions, Craig felt low for even thinking about it.

"Don't apologise," Craig said, "I'm all better now."

_I'm the one who's gonna be sorry._

**

Early Monday morning always came with a dark and blue aura. Tweek arrived at the bus stop with sleepy eyes, only to be surprised at the fact that Craig wasn't here, he also didn't receive any replies from Craig since last night. His heart inched around the absence of the tall figure, but he tried to gain composure by rationally telling himself that he was in no position to get clingy.

Meanwhile at a secluded part of the school, the botanical garden, Craig felt stupid, he regretted telling Tweek about the time capsule, had he kept quiet about it, he wouldn't have to take the risk now. Even himself couldn't put up with how contradictory and foolish his action was.

Every dig he made was like a stab in his own heart. Repeatedly, he dealt blows to his own conscience. _If Tweek found out, he would be so disappointed at you._ His heart paced up, cold sweat started to slide down Craig's pale face. Still he firmly grabbed onto the wooden handle of the shovel, as the boy continuously dug deep. He knew exactly where he was digging at, and exactly how deep he should go. He stepped onto the metal blade of the shovel with one leg, as to pierce into the soil, as soon he heard a clang as the blade hit something hard, he knew he had finally located the time capsule. It was a small, square plastic blue box, it wasn't heavy, but it had burdened Craig.

 _This is a ticking time bomb,_ he thought, as if to justify himself, _it would destroy what Tweek and I have together now._

He quickly removed the blue box, and dusted off the soil as he shove the item inside a plastic bag, and then into his backpack. Craig proceeded to reverse his digging by filling in the hole. The guilt that he was experiencing created suspense, and made it seemed a lot like as if Craig was burying a body, he was breathing heavily, from exhaustion, and from stress. 

The boy took another heavy breather. He picked up a watering can, to water all of the plants nearby, in hopes that water would help the loose soil to regain soil profile. _It's fine, nobody can tell that the soil had been messed with._ His hands were shaking, as he accidentally got the water spilled onto the ends of his jeans and his nice shoes. 

**

"Craig!" Token accidentally announced the guilt-ridden boy's arrival in the classroom, he didn't mean it, but since Craig wasn't someone who would be late, Token thought Craig was to take a leave today.

As Craig dashed into the classroom and sat down, he briefly took off his hat and ran through his hair with his hand, he could feel the sweat from his scalp.

"You're late today?" Clyde joined the party.

"Yes, my friends, big deal." Craig scorned, he kept his cool, and breathed in, he turned his head at Tweek, "I dozed off last night, didn't even remember to set my alarm."

Just as scripted.

Tweek's eyes went widened in acknowledgement for a brief moment, then he chuckled lightly. The innocent boy wouldn't suspect a thing. 

Exactly just as Craig scripted in his stomach last night.

The bells rang and disturbed the exchange between the boys. The teacher came in and told everyone to quiet down. 

Blankly staring at the blackboard, Craig found it weird how his heart sank, he didn't expect a triumph of victory over pulling off a few lies, but he also didn't exactly expect a heartache. It felt like someone came along and scoped a piece of his heart out, it felt hollow, and it felt painful. 

Above the empty area was a cloud of fear hovering, from any angle he looked at it he would see the shadow of a scared, selfish, pathetic boy, digging into a pool of blue flowers, the flowers bled and screamed pain. Then the cloud started to rain, the rainwater slip down the boy's face, nobody could tell whether it was rain, or was it a tear.

"Craig Tucker!" Entered a yelling of an angry old man. 

Craig opened his eyes too quickly the classroom lights dazzled, he found his classmates starring. _Did I just doze off? It was a dream? What the fuck..?_ He sighed and he stood up, with both of his hands held up in surrender, "fine, ok, corridor."

"What kind of attitude is this?" The teacher went off, "I'd have you know that sleeping in class is an outright disrespect to me! And also to yourself! If you don't care about your education, then leave my classroom at once!" 

"... I already said I'm leaving," Craig dragged his body out the classroom. He barely cared, the dream felt too real, he could really use all the personal space he could get right now.


	13. Lost

"Hey... Are you ok?"

"What? Why wouldn't I be?" Craig awkwardly paused before taking a bite of his burger, with his eyes diverted to a concerned Tweek.

"Being late and dozing off in classes... Getting kicked out of one too," Clyde pulled out his fingers to count, "why would you be?"

"Yeah, you know better than to talk back at a teacher," Token analysed, "now you have to see the counsellor, what's not to like about laying low and graduating in peace?"

Craig gobbled up his lunch to avoid having to reply. Of course he knew better than to talk back at a teacher and getting into unwarranted trouble, but his mind was too disturbed to make sensible judgement this morning.

"Seriously though... I couldn't believe that we're graduating this Summer..." Clyde lamented, "what is going to happen to us?"

"I don't care," Craig said, finishing the last bite, "probably nothing is gonna happen."

"Who wouldn't want that?" Token gave a bittersweet smile, "but we can't dwell in here forever. Changes are inevitable."

"Wow. Ok. Lawyer-to-be, please," Clyde said, "my head hurts just from thinking about the future."

"Then don't think about it, idiot," Craig rose from the bench, he looked irritated, "I have got to go- counseller time."

After bidding good-bye to Craig, the gang continued to explore the possibilities after graduation, Tweek found himself having very little to contribute to the topic. It was no surprise that Token seemed well-prepared, but at the same time Clyde also seemed to know a lot about possible options, probably from hanging out with Token so much.

"So what about you Tweek?"

Tweek's mouth went dry, he had been fearing this question, even though he could be completely honest and tell them that he hadn't even begun to ponder about it, that didn't mean that Tweek wouldn't be embarrassed over his short-sightedness.

"Leave to college? Inherit the coffee shop? Open up your own?" 

As Tweek so eagerly trying to conjure up a sensible reply, to his surprise, for when the question was posed to him, the first thing that popped up in his mind was Craig. Where would Craig go? He would love to know, Tweek could only imagine how wonderful would his future be if Craig was also there. 

"Maybe... Where Craig would be," Tweek confessed, he could feel himself blushing. "And where you guys are too!"

Token and Clyde exchanged brief eye contact, and then Clyde snickered, he couldn't help but wondered, whether Tweek liked Craig more than they would ever find out, or were they really just that best of friends. Albeit a failed attempt, Clyde appreciated Tweek's effort of taking care of his and Token's feelings, by adding the footnote. 

"Only if you could get him to talk and figure out what is going inside his head. Craig never actually talks about stuff like that."

"But to be fair," Token commented, "Craig is doing a lot better, I think he's opening himself up a lot more now."

"He is?" Tweek was curious, it was rare to hear about how Craig was like before he came back to school from Token and Clyde.

"He is." Clyde rested his head on his hand, and turned to Token, "remember when Tweek was missing, Craig apologised to us? Craig fucking Tucker apologised to us!"

"I do," Token recalled how unfitting that was, and he couldn't hold in his laugh, "Tweek, you best believe that the cold-hearted Craig was even less of a human before you came back. I don't think Craig is even aware of these changes."

"Well, anyway, there are only a few months before graduation," Clyde realised that they digressed, and tried to go back to the original topic, "you'd have to hurry and think for yourself, before we all part ways." 

**

3:00pm. After school.

Tweek hadn't been able to concentrate for the longest time, he knew that graduation was going to be a huge part of his life. And the fact that he was being so seriously reminded by the usually playful Clyde made him insecure. He had never felt so lost.

As he was strolling alone on his way, he felt incredibly uncomfortable, he really needed somebody to talk to, sadly Craig was having his basketball practice, and Token and Clyde were getting after-school tutorials. And he had to be on his way too, he had a shift in his family's coffee shop.

With his mobile phone, he randomly searched on the internet universities and colleges nearby this town, then he browsed on different majors, different minors. None of them really seemed to interest Tweek. He had the slightest idea of what he wanted to do.

"Hello, may I take your order?"

After getting changed into his work clothes, he stood behind the counter and politely greeted a customer, he put on his best commercial smile, this must be the thousandth time he said this.

He was scared, scared that as he got soaked into the comforts of a small coffee house, in a small town, he would lose all his friends as they venture into the vast world, opening up numerous possibilities and leaving him behind.

He was scared that all his life would be barred behind this small counter, but that would be a vile thing to say, Tweek knew this coffee shop was his father's life, so how could he go?

As Winter slowly melted into spring, Tweek would have less and less time to think. The longer he dragged this on, the more settled the situation would be and the harder it would be for him to break through.

And what would he do with Craig? He just found him, and Tweek knew he enjoyed his company more than anything in the world. He didn't whether this could unfold and develop into something else, but the time that they spent together was so undeniably valuable to Tweek, and he knew he wouldn't want that to ever end.

He thought about the image of a sorrowful Craig last Sunday, after he told him that he remembered pieces from the past, Craig went quiet.

_Damn, only if I could remember more!_

__

__

If I remembered more... Maybe I could hurry up and confirm how I really feel about Craig.

_And when I remember, then Craig may be able to... Restart with me...?_

Tweek blushingly thought to himself, he needed courage or a slap... Just something! Anything to give himself a push in the back, to lead him to actions. He suddenly recalled what Token said at the lunch table today.

_We can't dwell forever in here._

He agreed, especially when this state was getting slowly washed away in the river of time.

He had to hurry.

"Dad," Tweek decided, "can you take over? I have something urgent."

**

The blonde couldn’t contain himself, he couldn't wand away the excitement and his motivation at the moment.

He was glad to find that the school past opening hours was nearly empty. He could hear his own heartbeats in such an eerily quiet environment. He walked towards the botanical garden slowly, feeling extremely nervous. His intuition led him to stop in front of the patch of soft blue, that was dimly lit by the sunset.

Tweek inhaled deeply in an effort to regulate his breathing. He looked around, and picked up the garden shovel sitting near the pool of flowers.

He thought about Craig, and the image of a younger Craig. Tweek started digging. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he knew ultimately what he wanted. This could take him a while, he wasn't used to physical labour. Even though it was getting cold, and there was wind blowing in Tweek's face, he was sweating as he soundly breathed. The sweat and the wind messed up his fluffy and otherwise adorable hairstyle, as Craig would describe so. 

He dug deep. His face turned red and his muscles were tense. 

He kept going deeper. His heartbeats even slowed down, and his action getting sloppier every turn. He paused, pressed his eyelids tightly together to reconcile with reality. 

But there was nothing.

Tweek widened his mouth in shock, and quickly shook off the frustration, he moved a little to the left of his original position and started digging all over again. He was already here, he couldn't just give up and go home empty-handed.

Unfortunately, all of Tweek’s attempts— he basically uprooted the entire place— were proven fruitless.

It was a long and cold night. Tweek collapsed into his bed shortly after declaring defeat and returning home. His phone was going off senselessly, vibrating in a constantly annoying fashion on his desk — but he couldn’t care less, he drifted off as he tried to dismiss the sense of uncertainty that frightened and disturbed him so much.


	14. Underneath

7:00 pm of the same night, at Craig’s room.

The raven-haired boy showered and was drying his dampened hair with a towel. Usually a shower after basketball practice would freshen him up, but not today, he still felt dirty.

He gently took out the blue box from his bag, he finally did it. It felt like he was cheating, worse still, cheating a person that he violently cared for. He held the box in a very delicate manner, and slowly he walked towards the edge of his bed and sat down. 

“Craig!” 

Looking at the evidence that he had to quickly get rid of, he growled quietly again in condemnation of his own stupidity. He shouldn’t have mentioned this to Tweek. 

“CRAIG!” 

He really regretted it. Now he had to think of how to dispose the “body”. He didn’t know whether his actions are making sense right now, he just wanted to get rid of the box.

“CRAIG!!!” into the room came Tricia. 

As the door was forcibly pushed open, Craig was startled and dropped the box. The box slammed against the floor, luckily the box was tightly shut. The noise captured the attention of both siblings.

“What the fuck?” Tricia’s eyes fixated onto the blue box.

“GET OUT.” Craig instantly stood up and kicked the box under his bed. He approached the ajar open and tried to push his sister outside, “NOW!”

“Hey- don’t touch me!” Tricia defended herself, but in vain.

The door was coldly shut in her face and she was beyond agitated. She yelled senselessly at the door, “I’m only here because mum told me to! Dinner’s ready!”

No reply from the inside.

“Fine! Don’t fucking eat! Or fucking talk to me ever again!” Tricia knew her brother couldn’t see it, but still she flipped him off before angrily stomping downstairs. Craig could hear every heavy footstep.

He growled even harder. 

_Good job Craig Tucker. Taking out your frustration at your sister._

He turned off the light and bundled himself up in bed. He had lost his appetite.

**

Token and Clyde realised that in the next morning then, the other two looked slightly distressed. They’re both rather quiet, much quieter than usual.

Tweek couldn’t stop yawning, he was both mentally and physically exhausted. His shoulder hurt from all the labour work yesterday. The heaviest thing that he was used to carrying was a filled kettle, or his overpacked shoulder bag, tops.

He stole a peek at the tall, silent boy near to him, whom has his head slightly lowered, Craig was staring blankly at the floor.

Tweek remembered the lonely image when he told Craig that all he recalled was a scene from their childhood yet again. He didn’t know what the next step was, but he couldn’t bring himself to disappoint Craig anymore.

He faked a smile, and decided to seal the sad news.

And it had been going swell, as the boys have were preoccupied with school, it kept the boys busy, and away from their thoughts.

Nonetheless it still failed to cure Tweek’s loneliness as the night descended. It was late but he couldn’t calm his mind.

He felt so hypocritical. It had become rather apparent at this stage that he wanted to be more than friends with Craig. If Craig’s attractive demeanour was too shallow a reason to justify his crush, Craig’s personality and how that was compatible with Tweek’s definitely did; if the personality was too platonic to justify his crush, all of the blushing, heartbeats, giggles, natural physical moments and embarrassing thoughts that happened when the two spent time together definitely did.

Most importantly, how Craig’s lonely image saddened and ached Tweek, and how disappointed Tweek felt after last night, had proven to the blonde that Craig definitely carried a lot of weight on his heart.

Tweek scratched his scalp in frustration, and remembered how Craig ran his hand through his messy hair, when he woke up from his coma. It was in that split second, that he realised, it’s either insomnia, or him stop repressing the feeling and facing it like a man.

And Tweek could not tolerate sleepless nights. 

With determination, he put on his winter boots and left the house.

It was usually a nuisance to visit a friend without prior notice, and around 10 pm too, but the Tuckers didn’t seem to mind. Craig’s mother had always been really sweet to Tweek, and treated him like a little boy ever since he could remember.

“Awww Tweek! It’s so nice for you to come visit! But Craig’s in the shower right now, maybe you should go wait inside his room? Just like old days?” Mrs. Tucker went back to doing the dishes after opening the door for Tweek.

“Sure ma’am, thanks.” Tweek trailed up the staircase.

“If you boys need anything, just tell me!”

“Ok, thanks ma’am!”

“I’ll bring you guys some cookies after I’m done with the dishes! I baked them this morning!” Mrs. Tucker continued to yell from downstairs. Tweek chuckled, _do all mums do this?_

He let himself into Craig’s room. It was a lot messier than the last time he visited. He sat down on Craig’s spinning chair in front of the desk, rehearsing in his head how to tell Craig what had been troubling him lately, what happened last night, and most importantly, to find out what did Craig think about him...

He blushed at the notion of such question. He scanned through the room aimlessly to calm himself down.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something new, something that he didn’t see last time he was here.

He kneeled down and reached for rectangular blue box lying underneath Craig’s bed. At first he was just curious, then he felt strangely enticed... This box felt heavy, not physically so, but it gave Tweek a feeling to don’t let go of it so quickly.

Tweek’s heart was racing, and his brows knitted together in confusion. 

_This box... Looks familiar._

He held up the box closely for an inspection. And then he saw soil and mud traces at the edges and corners of the box.

His heart skipped a beat.

_This is the very fucking time capsule that I buried._

Tweek remembered.


	15. The dark, again

Tweek’s hands were shaking violently. He realised that he was hyperventilating, he hadn’t felt this freaked out ever since that time he got into the hypocrisy of North Korea’s bombing, when he felt like maybe the end of the world is nigh.

He was absolutely positive that this box was the time capsule that he so desperately looked for last night. The longer he held onto it, the more obvious that this weight wasn’t something new. The sense of familiarity just snapped in his head and came naturally.

He had so many questions, to begin with, like, how did this wind up in Craig’s room?

Tweek instinctively opened the box to reveal the contents from within. Things usually looked prettier in people’s memory, even in one that’s broken and partially imaginary. The toys lied inside looked rusty, and then there were photos of similar-looking, but slightly different guinea pigs, labelled at the back of each one “stripe #1”, “stripe #2”, “stripe #3”... Tweek ran through the contents.

At the bottom of the box, there were two letters, and on both of them written: “To Craig”. _Didn't Craig say that they both wrote letters to their future selves?_   Suddenly, a nervous sensation engulfed Tweek in entirety.

He opened up the letter with a shaky handwriting on the envelope, he knew that this one was written by him. The letter read:

_Hi Craig!_

_I’m sorry for breaking the rule, hope you’re not too confused!_

_Craig, I have something I want to tell you. I haven’t been honest. I wish I could have told you in person. But I know I will be too scared to ever finish this in person._

_First of all, thank you for being so understanding and supportive, you’re the best fake boyfriend anyone can ask for. You have no idea what you meant to me. And for the longest time I feel guilty of stealing you away from the others, for the stupidest reason too! I still don’t know why the girls picked me to pair with you, but I won’t feel as lucky if I was coerced into a staged relationship with any other person._

_I know I don’t deserve you, even it’s just pretend... But I’m sure I will regret this if I don’t tell you before it’s too late... I know you’re just acting, and I hope I won’t gross you out when I tell you that I find everything real and I’m not acting!_

_So Craig, I wanna stop pretending. I really like you, can you be my boyfriend for real? Thick and thin, ugly and beautiful, I want to experience everything with you._

...

What the fuck?

Tweek was frozen in motion. He had to read the letter twice to grasp and recognise the meaning strung together by words, words that he wrote himself, a few years ago.

And then it came back to him. He remembered planning, drafting, and writing this in a sleepless night. He did this as an ultimatum. After graduation, they were gonna part ways, so he knew he had to make Craig truly his before that happens. He remembered thinking to himself, maybe if he acted quick and was lucky enough, he wouldn’t have to show this letter to Craig, but either way, this would be his final chance.

That was all he could recall, but it sufficed for Tweek to clear the smog and interpret the situation for himself.

He felt angry, embarrassed, flabbergasted, ashamed, sad, heart-broken... And a thousand other emotions that he failed to articulate at the moment. He didn’t even know how to begin sorting out his thoughts.

Ever since his accident, he had been trying so hard to construct the missing part of the reality in his memory, and now it all collapsed. And the single person who tore it down, was the one that he trusted so dearly, was the one that constructed the missing fabric of his memory with him, was the one who knew how important this was for him.

It just seemed that Craig never gave a fuck.

Tweek realised why he couldn’t remember Craig, and couldn’t remember their relationship, was because they were all fake. One cannot remember something that never happened.

_So what the fuck am I chasing after?_

Tweek lightly chuckled in irony. He felt ashamed of his own emotions. He was treating this guy like a god, he was falling in love with him. But this guy was only toying with his feelings, he promised to tell him everything — he told him all the places that they went to, all the things that they did together — but he never told him the truth. So to what extent exactly was Craig trustable? How much of what Craig had been telling him was true?

_Did he just decide one day that he was gonna fuck with my understanding? so he just came over and flirt with me as he pleased? Am I just a pastime to this fucking guy?_

And to think that he was this gullible — gullible enough to fall in love with a lier. Oh and look, how pathetic he sounded in the past; look at the letter — he was practically begging for this guy to stay with him after graduation. How laughable.

It was laughable, but instead, Tweek’s tears rolled down his eyes.

_Ain’t I trying to do the same now? What am I doing here, in this guy’s place, at night? Ready to confess and beg him to take me?_

Years have passed and even though he couldn’t remember everything, he was still as much as a loser as he was before. The blonde sank into his misery, his legs lost control and felt like someone else’s, he knelt involuntarily with his kneecaps hitting the floor hard.

Time seemed to have stood still for Tweek at that moment. He looked out the window, and his thoughts travelled miles, across the sky, maybe into space too. He felt surreal. The sadness felt surreal.

“Tweek?” Craig was surprised to see him, he was drying his hair with a towel as he walked into his room.

Tweek was calm. He slowly rose from the floor, and turned around at Craig. He just looked at Craig, with eyes reddened from tearing up earlier.

“Mum said you wanted to-“ Craig’s smile disappeared as he saw what Tweek was holding...

Fuck!

“Tweek!” Craig could feel his face turning white. “How... How did you find— Listen— I, I could explain—“

“Wow. You staggered,” Tweek smirked and said, “what a sight. Craig Tucker usually never fucking staggers.”

Craig was taken aback by Tweek’s tone. And the more Craig looked scared and had a guilty conscience, the more Tweek was sure of his suspicions.

“So tell me. Have I been a fun ride or what?”

“Huh?” Craig dropped his towel onto the floor. He was dumbfounded to see Tweek looking this infuriated, he didn’t know how to cope.

“We never dated,” Tweek said, “right?”

As soon as Craig heard Tweek shattering the happy illusion, Craig’s heart also metaphorically shattered into million pieces. _Did he figure it all out?_ Craig's heart skipped a beat and then it started to pace up.

“So I asked you—“ Tweek enunciated, and his voice loudened, “whether have I been entertaining enough for you, Craig fucking Tucker. It must have been fun for you to mess with my head like this. Is this your hobby? Do you make up stories just to see my reaction?”

Tweek’s face turned bright red, and his hands were shaking.

“Please Tweek, it wasn’t like that....” Craig wanted to hold Tweek and calm him down, he tried to move closer to Tweek.

“Don’t come here!” Tweek reflexively moved back, and as his knee joint hit the rim of the bed, Tweek fell into a sitting position on Craig’s bed. The time capsule that he was holding hit and bounced off the bedding, it fell onto the floor, spilling out the contents inside.

The drop interrupted the atmosphere that was initially going on in the room. Tweek bit his lips, and asked Craig what he wanted to know most.

“Why didn't you tell me?” A tear traced down Tweek’s face.

As the two boys fell quiet, Craig lost all his defences. He realised he didn’t have any excuse for hiding the truth from Tweek. He didn’t know how much Tweek remembered from discovering the time capsule, but he felt like saying anything would only accelerate the death of them.

“You’re supposed to be my friend...”

Craig felt a huge heartache, he wished he was better with words. He wished he knew big words like Token. He wished he could be as forward as Clyde.

“You have my trust and you just throw it down the drain?”

But Craig knew he would never be as innocent as them, or any other person. He was completely defenceless in this situation.

“You know what? I was at the botanical garden all night trying to find the time capsule— no wonder why I didn’t find it!” Tweek scorned.

“I... I’m sorry.” Craig lowered his head, that was the only thing that he was sure that he wanted to let Tweek know.

“I didn’t ask for your apology!” Tweek looked up in distress. “I want the truth.”

Craig went quiet.

Tweek huffed, if there was any slightest bit of residual hope for this guy in his heart, it most certainly had just died out now. “We never dated, true or false.”

“True...” Craig uttered. “But Tweek... I... I thought that was too fucked up… And I didn’t want you to-”

“Well that’s not up to you to decide.” Tweek was pissed off. Craig shouldn’t have the right to manipulate him. “What else are you hiding from me?”

_That I love you?_

Craig looked at Tweek’s puffy eyes, he realised that he had made him cried. He kept that unsaid.

Craig’s untimely silence did not do any good to the situation, but to be fair, he didn’t know what else to say.

"Fine," Tweek eventually flipped out, he stood up. “Craig Tucker, you’re a liar and you make me sick. I can’t believe that I trusted you so much. You disgust me.”

Staying in this room for any second longer would suffocate Tweek’s rationality. It felt as if Craig lied and he didn’t even care enough to explain— or maybe there was no explanation, Craig just was a power-obsessed player. The air felt lethal, Tweek couldn’t tolerate being in the same room with this guy who betrayed his trust anymore.

He moved past Craig and barged out the door. He almost fell as he swayed his body outside the house. He hunched his back standing up and deeply inhaled to re-orientate himself, both in terms of his posture and his knowing of reality.

It was a cold night, Tweek remembered the last time when he and Craig had a conversation in the dark, it was also cold. But then they hugged and they talked, and it made that night felt warm in his head— although now it just seemed fake and fabricated.

Remembering that night made tonight felt even colder. Some more tears slid down Tweek’s face. He ran home.


	16. The letter

He left. In a rush. In tears.

Craig let what just happened slowly sank in. His throat went dry as his heartbeats slowly died down. He blinked his eyes hard. When was the last time he got yelled at this intensively? He usually never went down without a fight. But tonight, he just took all the damage. The yelling, the questioning, the moment when Tweek turned around, stood up and left... Snippets of memory started to replay in his head, it was as if Tweek was still here in his room, accusing him of his wrongdoings.

After a while, he was finally able to get a grip on reality and was able to move from his frozen standing position. 

"Hey son..." 

Craig turned away, he didn't know that his mother had been standing behind him, and for how long? 

"Craig, my baby... Don't cry."

_Cry?_

Craig instinctively bashed his face against his sleeves, he didn't realise that he was this vulnerable. 

"I just wanted to bring you boys cookies." his mother said, ever so gently. She then sat the plate down on Craig's desk, "Tweek ran outside... maybe you should go after him?"

"No," Craig had his back facing his mother, with his face still wet from the tears. It's too late now.

After his mother left, Craig took a deep breath and began to clean up the contents on the floor. He looked at the blue box, that once granted him happiness when they were young, but now killed off all that he had with Tweek. As much as he loathed this time-ticking time bomb that finally exploded, and as much as he wanted to vent his anger by blowing this box to smithereens, this was all he had as a souvenir of their relationship now. He hugged the box.

_It no longer matters whether Tweek remembers, because he hates me now._

As he slowly put back the items into the box, he saw the letters, and one that was opened up, one that was foreign to his recognition. 

What is this?

**

He should have run after Tweek, just as his mother suggested. 

Craig couldn't believe his eyes. He never thought that Tweek had developed feelings for him that early. He was so confused, if Tweek liked him for real, why didn't he let him know earlier?

Well, that was hypocritical for him to say, because he could have asked himself the same question. 

He folded the letter, then unfolded it, for a good number of times. Before he realised, the dawn broke. He must have got lost in his thoughts, reading in between lines and lines of this shaky handwriting. He shoved the letter into his backpack. He was gonna figure something out tomorrow morning. 

Little did he know, Tweek was then nowhere to be seen.

Not at school, not at the coffee shop after school, not on social media; it was as if he vanished again.

This scary feeling reminded Craig of a darker time, but that fear was quickly dismissed as he realised that Clyde had been texting Tweek. The blonde claimed that he was sick from the weather, and so he asked Clyde to help him collect his assignment every other school day. Tweek was hiding from him, it was obvious. 

There was nothing Craig could do. At least that was what he thought.

There were a few options, but he was too much of a coward to make a move. He didn’t even dare to text Tweek.

He closed his eyes. He was so tired. He had never hated himself more.


	17. Gay little speech

Three days passed in a heartbeat, especially an anxious one. Craig was incredibly irritated over Tweek’s absence. He couldn’t focus, he couldn’t eat well, he couldn’t sleep well. He flopped on his sports performance, which pissed Kyle off for a great deal— especially when another basketball tournament was on its way. 

_Fuck them_ , he thought, _I never really liked basketball anyway_.

During recess, Kyle gave Craig a long speech on sportsmanship and team spirit. To which Craig only managed to respond, “thanks for your gay little speech.”

Kyle rolled his eyes at him, Stan held Kyle back from going off at Craig, and dragged him out of the classroom, causing a scene.

“Dude,” Clyde turned around from his seat, “what did _you_ do?”

“Cut the poor boy some slack,” Token said to Craig sincerely, “basketball is Kyle’s everything.”

They looked at the amber-haired boy, whom was leaving, and how he was visibly calmer with Stan around. Stan lightly patted on Kyle on his back, and anyone could see Kyle’s shoulders tensed up, and soon he went quiet.

“Not everyone is as lucky as you and Tweek.” Token sighed.

“Huh?” Craig didn’t catch it, he was in too much trouble himself to care for others.

“Speaking of Tweek—“ Clyde increased his pitch in excitement, “check this shit out.”

From his backpack Clyde pulled out the dorkiest thing any male high schooler could imagine, it was a fan-fiction with a very graphic cover, featuring the troubled couple.

“What the—“ Craig was slightly embarrassed, he itched away from the content, “did you exist just to see me suffer?”

Token laughed hysterically, “I couldn’t believe that you actually got it! Have you read it yet?”

“Not really,” Clyde laughed, “I was thinking of getting Craig and Tweek to do a reading on the book, then I’ll digitalise and sell the audio track. It’ll sell like a God Church.”

“Please don’t use the cancerous words you learn from YouTube.” Token remarked with chuckles in between his breath, “but yea, it will sell like a God Church, they’ll rise as a new religion.”

Craig was usually immune to these types of jokes, but today just wasn’t the best time. He growled and buried his head into his folded arms on the desk.

“Oh seriously— What happened? You guys?” Clyde caught onto Craig’s weird actions and posted his concern.

“Didn’t you say Tweek was sick?” Token said, “even I know that?”

“No no no, I mean,” Clyde knitted his brows together, “what did _you_ do, Craig?”

Craig narrowed his eyes in frustration, why was everything related to him today, what did he do to this person, what did he do to another. He facepalmed himself.

“You must have pissed Tweek off,” Clyde continued, “why else would Tweek ask _me_ to get his homework for him at the end of his night shift— it’s not like I mind going there at night, but like—“

“Wait so is he sick or not?” Token asked, “how do you work shifts when you’re sick?”

“Ah he’s sick alright,” Clyde recalled, “his eyes were like, super red, and you could tell that his nose had gone through a good number of packs of tissue.”

Craig’s heart clutched.

“Flu?” 

“Dude, I don’t know, probably,” Clyde dismissed Token for sidetracking him, “as I was saying— why would Tweek ask me instead of—“

The pair looked at an agitated Craig, Craig rolled his eyes in response, he lowered his voice, “guys, I thought I told you we’re not dating.”

“So? Everyone can tell that you guys are closer than I am with Tweek,” Clyde rebutted.

“But we are nothing, so I don’t have the right or responsibility to look after him alright?”

“Dude don’t be so cold, what happened? Tweek would be sad to see you this cold to him.”

“Yea— whatever you say,” Craig looked away and locked his lips.

“Fine,” Clyde was curious but he didn’t want to be pestering. “You don’t get to choose the games for game night this Saturday.”

Clyde gave Token a sly smile, to seek approval of his revengeful move, only to be matched with a disturbed look on Token’s face.

“Yea... Dude, about that...” Token stuttered, “I was thinking, maybe we should cancel this type of weekend gaming party... I need more time to deal with universities and colleges.”

“What?” Clyde flipped, “you’re not even in university yet, what’s wrong with you?”

“Work before play, this year is really important for me...” 

“For you?” Clyde knitted his brows together, “just for you? We don’t have college and stuff? We don’t have exams to take?”

“Hey loosen up...” Craig sensed tension and tried to calm Clyde down.

“No, you loosen up,” Clyde shrugged off Craig’s touch. “Listen, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you guys!

You’re so obsessed with the past. Whenever something takes extra effort comes up you use the past as a shield and hide behind it. I don’t see how “being forced into the team” means you can't actually enjoy it. You always complain about basketball, but you stayed in that team, why don’t you own up to your responsibility already!?

AND YOU— you’re so obsessed with the future," Clyde turned to Token. "Always university this university that, I get it dude! You have big dreams! But do you even live anymore? You’re a straight A student, you don't know how to relax?”

Token and Craig were dumbfounded, they didn’t know how to respond to the otherwise usually goofy Clyde. Apparently Kyle wasn’t the only one who gave a gay little speech today.

The bells rang untimely and interrupted the conversation, the students around started to quiet down and pack for the next class. 

Craig took his books, and left the pair, “we’ll continue on this later...”

They say that the outsiders see things clearer, that must be true somehow. Craig felt a weird warmth springing from his chest, he was embarrassed by what Clyde said, but not about basketball, he saw the situation that he entangled Tweek and himself into. Just because they were forced into it, it didn’t mean that what Craig had been feeling, and what they had together were invalid.

He felt empowered. He didn’t know why he cared about the past so much, it was far behind them anyway.

And no responsible person leaves a situation unsolved.

***

Meanwhile at the hallway.

“Wow,” Token breathed admiration, “you’re one eloquent speaker today. I’m impressed.”

Clyde blushed and he folded his arms behind his head timidly, “whatever man, I just really wanted to play the new game that your dad got you...”

“Ok,” Token laughed, “so pizza on Saturday?”

Clyde exchanged a smile, “you got it.”

The pair walked to their designated classroom without knowing the determination that just got poured into Craig after the conversation.


	18. The light

He really should have thought this through.

With the letter scrambled up in the pocket of his jeans for so long, it was all wrinkly. The moisture of Craig’s hand further worsened the condition of the years-old letter.

As advised by Clyde, he waited till the coffee shop was closing before showing up. The lights were still on, but there was only solitude surrounding a lonesome boy behind the counter.

As Tweek was washing the coffee-makers, the bells attached to the door rang vigorously. Somebody was knocking on the cafe’s door loudly, so loud that it was able to startle Tweek.

“We are closed!” Tweek wiped his wet hands with his apron, and made quick steps towards the entrance, wanting to figure out which illiterate idiot it was at the door. 

Craig looked at the confused blonde from across the glass door. And his eyes were really red, just as Clyde described. It has been too long, Craig reacted at the image of the poor blonde.

"Craig?" Tweek softly gasped. His swollen eyes widened in shock for a very brief moment, and then his expression quickly hardened. He was about to turn around and move away from the door.

"Tweek," Craig knocked on the glass door, "open, please."

"What do you want now?" Tweek questioned. What else does he want to do with him? And why now? It has already been days? He thought it was all over.

"This," Craig swiftly took out the letter and jammed it against the glass. "I want to talk."

As soon as Tweek laid eyes on the letter that he wrote, he was stunned, and his face immediately reddened up, his ears bright pink. He remembered his words of confession. He wanted to say something in defense, he wanted Craig to put that down, but he couldn't articulate anything out of embarrassment.

The nervous blonde clumsily ran through the pockets of his trousers for the keys. He knelt as quickly as he could to unlock the lock at the bottom of the glass door. His hand was shaking and he kept missing. Craig's heart beats paced up as he observed the blonde from across the glass door.

"Put that away!" Tweek's voice was clearer with the glass barrier which shielded sound gone, it echoed with the doorbell as it announced that door was pushed opened. Tweek tried to snatch the letter out of Craig's hand, but to no avail as the taller boy reflexively drew himself backwards. Craig took advantage of his towering height as he raised his hand along with the letter, leading Tweek to look into the direction of his face.

"Craig Tucker!" Tweek attempted again at snatching the letter. It was clear from the tone of his voice that he was embarrassed, and very irritated.

Craig looked back at Tweek's round eyes, he didn't want to rush it, and he didn't want to seem insincere. He inhaled, "I'm sorry."

Tweek regained composure, he stopped tip-toeing as soon as he realised that he was at all doing it, he backed off from this tall figure in front of him, "yea, no shit you're."

Tweek was in no way a mean spirit.

As soon as his blunt words dropped, his heart sank. Just like that eventful night, his mouth just ran wild, chanting mean stuff at the stoic figure as if he was actually emotionless. A part of him knew that it was not his temper (he barely had any) or irrationality, he did it purposely. He wanted to trigger Craig, for answers, but failed and was ultimately disappointed by Craig's inaction. 

For days he had been hiding from this guy, not knowing how exactly he should feel. He didn't want to be ridiculed, he didn't want to be made fun of, of his feelings. He was angry, but now he felt guilty, as if he was the one in the wrong. The sad blonde bit his lips, and looked away, wanting to excuse himself from this situation. 

"Tweek," Craig firmly grabbed onto Tweek's arm, slightly pulling the blonde towards him. "Can you give me a minute?"

"That soft voice again." Tweek mumbled, and sighed. He turned back at the guy, and led Craig a few steps further outside the cafe. They were standing in the cold, dark night. "Let's talk here. My dad is at the back stocking, I don't want him to hear."

Craig swallowed, he had so much courage, but now that he had Tweek all to himself, he tensed up too much. He shoved his hands into the pockets.

"I'm sorry Tweek," he had to make sure that the apology wasn't rushed this time.

Tweek looked at him in confusion, his brows knitted. "I heard that already."

_What else, Craig._

Tweek kept that unsaid, but it was at that instance, Tweek realised that he was actually anticipating. He couldn't really stay angry at Craig...

"I wanted to tell you everything," Craig inhaled deeply, "I'm sorry to have lied to you, about faking our relationship."

He began to recount the origins of the story. As he gradually came clean, a heavy weight was getting lifted off his chest. He had always known that honesty was difficult, but it was not half as impossible as he feared it to be. It was clear from his accent, that he was inspired by guilt and a lack of control over the situation. It came to Tweek's attention, he wasn't the only one that was hurt. Craig was just as helpless as the amnesiac was -- he was in no way a manipulator.

As Craig went on, Tweek became more amused than surprised. So that's what it meant by "the girls chose us" in the letter...

"But apart from this, I never lied to you. All the stories that I told you, they are all real, we did a lot together. The places we went to, the things we did together, I never fabricated or exaggerated anything just to see your reaction."

"So... Why did you hide this in the first place?" Tweek asked, his heart beat paused, he had been waiting to find this out so eagerly.

"You want the truth?" Craig asked, and from Tweek's serious look he realised that his question was redundant.

_I won’t hide anything from him anymore._

“The truth is, I was too scared to risk anything. I didn't want to freak you out.”

"Why would I..."

"Remember at the hospital? You didn't remember anything about me!" Craig grabbed both of Tweek's shoulders, his eyes dimmed, it was obvious that Craig was hurt by that idea. "The doc said it's because I am your stressor, and so your brain shut me out as to protect you or something... So I figured... That faking this relationship was too much for you, this fake relationship stressed you out so much it made you forget..."

"What?" Tweek was dumbfounded by Craig's theory, he didn't really resonate with it, but he didn't know any better on how to express his doubt, after all, he did forget everything.

"When you talked to me at that botanical garden for the first time after your coma, I decided... I never want to stress you out again, and I don't want you to realise that we were actually never friends... And that you would leave me... I… Got too content just by having you next to me,” Craig awkwardly scratched his nosebrigde, his eyes darting left and right. “I just don't want anything to change...”

"So you hid away the time capsule?"

"Yes," Craig admitted, "yes... I couldn't risk you remembering the source of your stress. What if you break down again? What if you forget about me again? What if you decided that our relationship is so abnormal and twisted... that you are going to leave me?"

As honest as Craig had been to Tweek for these past couples of weeks, Tweek had never heard him coming clean with his fear this nakedly. The idea of fear and this tall figure in front of him just didn't mix well. 

Just because of his silence, the blonde falsely accused him of messing with him intentionally. Tweek felt terrible, Craig was innocent, all he did was just because he didn't want to lose a friend.

_I was the one who was being greedy... And blind to what he did to protect me._

"You lied to me," Tweek said.

"I... I know," Craig guiltily said, staring at his shoes. 

"But... It was all in the past." 

"Huh?" Craig looked up quickly. Finally, Tweek was smiling. His eyes were still red from before, his cheeks red, perhaps from the cold, but his smile looked so sweet. Craig registered Tweek's smile with his heart pounding even quicker. "So, so... you forgive me?"

"Of course," Tweek breathed a smile, his heart has never felt lighter, it was weird how Craig's confession relieved both of the boys' hearts, "and I think... I have to apologise too. Sorry for calling you all the mean things that night, I don't really think you're disgusting.'

Craig's eyes widened in joy, he returned a blossoming smile. A warm feeling spread across his chest, eventually heating up his entire body. He never knew that relaxation could be this rewarding. He wanted to scream happiness as his body could barely contain the intense satisfaction that he was experiencing.

But he held it back. He had more important things to say.

"So, friends again?" Tweek pulled out his hand, just like the time they were in the botanical garden.

That totally messed up Craig's plan. 

_Friends?_ Craig cringed at the idea.

"No more lies," Tweek had his hand still held up in the air, his smile still shinning.

Instead of shaking onto Tweek's hand, Craig took out the letter, and he handed it to Tweek. "Tweek... And about this..." 

Tweek's hand reflexively lowered, his warm smile froze and his expression hardened. _What is Craig doing? He doesn't want to be friends with me?_

_Wait... Is he going to give me a reply to this letter right now?!_

_He is going to reject me straight after we made up?!_

Tweek finched himself away from the tall figure with the letter in his hands, he felt cold sweat sliding down his neck, "wait! Craig!" 

"I... I want you to know..." Craig carried on, knowing that if he backed off at this moment, he probably would never have the courage to ever tell Tweek again.

"N-no! Wait!" Tweek tried to wand off Craig, "this letter is years ago, don't reject me now!"

Tweek felt like he just got Craig back into his life, and he was sure that he didn't want to lose him again. He would forgo anything to have Craig back into his life, even if it means to bury the still-valid feelings written on this letter forever. 

As soon as Tweek blurted out what he said, the couple was captured by a weird silence which froze both of them in motion.

"I am not going to reject you," Craig looked solemnly into Tweek's eyes after a moment, "Tweek, I know you don't remember writing this..."

"Huh?" 

_Not rejecting me? Wait... What?_

Tweek could sense his hope getting up at the bottom of his heart-- he felt cunning for having that feeling-- he really was greedier than he thought he was, when it came to Craig.

"I just want to let you know how I feel about this letter." Craig's eyes flickered with a light, it was illuminating with determination. Tweek couldn't look away, and he could tell that, whatever that Craig wanted to say, he was dead serious about it. Tweek got nervous, he could practically hear his own heartbeats as the pause in Craig's talking was slowly killing his sanity. "Tweek, actually, I lik-"

Suddenly, a deep male voice rang through from the background, "Tweek?!"

The voice broke the air, the couple instinctively turned to the source of the noise, they saw a tall figure coming from the coffee shop, it was Tweek's father. To his dismay, Craig realised that he wouldn't be able to finish this sentence. He uttered a tsk, and blinked his eyes hard. Tweek sighed deeply to recalibrate his breath. 

Had Mr. Tweak come to the pair, Craig would have to greet and explain himself with an effort that he didn't want to pay-- especially after all the confession, he was exhausted-- Craig decided that he might as well skedaddle now.

"Come to my game tomorrow?" Craig leaned towards Tweek, so close that Tweek could see his own reflection in Craig's lake-like black eyes. 

"Son?" Mr. Tweak walked closer to the couple.

Craig glimpsed towards the direction that Mr. Tweak was coming from. "See you tomorrow at school ok?" he promptly restated, as if to reassure, before running away quickly in the cold giggling, like a little boy. Tweek's eyesight was frozen on the figure that got smaller and smaller. Craig's shadow got dragged longer and longer, and eventually diminished on the dark streets.

"Is that Craig?" Mr. Tweak patted lightly on Tweek’s shoulder, "get back inside! Your face is all red from the cold!"

Snapping back into reality, Tweek followed his dad back into the coffee shop. Keeping his mouth shut, and his father ignorant of what just went down.

"... Dad, my headache is all gone now, I'm going back to school tomorrow."


	19. Vanilla

_What was he trying to say to me?_

Tweek tossed and turned over the idea last night, he barely got any sleep. His mind couldn’t take a break from replaying snippets from yesterday.

He thought he heard the word _like_ , but he could have been mistaken. 

He... _likes_ me?

Tweek’s face heated up, he shook away the idea. He knew how it is with expectations, they always set you up. He shouldn’t get carried away by a guess.

And what if he was saying, _I like being your friend._

Tweek felt a clutch in his heart. With his mind conflicted with anticipation and anxiety, he went to school.

**

"Tweek! You're back!" 

Clyde and Token were beyond excited to see Tweek back at the school, just as much as everyone else. Tweek didn't at all realise, with the recent release of the fanfiction of him and Craig, he had gotten even more popular with the girls. The poor boy was really confused when the girls came over to him to wish him a speedy recovery, followed by a whole-hearted blessing for his happiness with Craig forever, until Clyde showed him the novel that he got a couple of days before. 

"This... This is INSANE!" Tweek felt his cheeks heating up, he couldn't finish reading the entire thing, he wouldn't want to even if time allowed. _The details... How do the girls know so much about boys?_ It was beyond Tweek's comprehension.

"You'd get used to it." Craig removed the book from Tweek's hands and flipped through it casually. He used to be really embarrassed while reading creations of a like nature, but after all these years, he no longer felt anything. "But right now, it's more important to avoid attention."

"Yes, whenever the cult releases something like this," Token said, "it's peace and quiet gone for at least a couple of weeks."

"The cult..." Tweek knitted his brows as his confusion bubbled up even more vigorously, with Clyde blust out laughing at Tweek's puzzled look.

Sadly, just as predicted by the gang, Tweek and Craig didn't get to spend any alone time at school. People came up to them every now and then, even if without those random intruders, the two couldn't really excuse themselves from Token and Clyde. There was frequent eye contact in between moments and conversations, that was all the two could exchange without arousing much attention. Their eyes told one another of their confusion, and a lingering thought of last night. The looks that they gave each other were ambiguous of love, but definitely affectionate. It was as if they are regulating checking on each other, and in between every gaze expressed longing for exclusive time together. Craig hadn't pulled a look that read I-want-to-talk-you more in his entire life. Is this what flirting consciously feels like?

Soon enough Craig's basketball match began, and they had to pause their little peeping game.

That was the case, for Craig. Tweek still had his eyes fixed on Craig for the longest period of the time at the basketball court. And as Craig was preoccupied with his competition, Tweek could stare at him as much as he wanted, without being caught looking and having to turn around from timidness. 

"Go south park Cows!" people were cheering radically from the audience stand, and the team didn't disappoint. They were doing fantastic and the audience was getting more and more hyped. The chanting, clapping, cheering and whistling for the team never once paused. The stadium was lit with tension and excitement.

"Don't... Don’t lose!" Tweek weakly shouted from his seat. Although he loved being able to stare at Craig without getting noticed, the feeling of not being able to get responses felt neglected. He gathered Craig wouldn't be able to hear him, or even see where he was seated, as there were simply too many people. 

"Cows! Cows! Cows!"

As the crowd's cheer masked over Tweek's, suddenly Tweek was met with a weird flashback. He could see himself spectating at a basketball court, at a competition, the crowd was really loud, just like today, and just like always.

Tweek was also sitting with Token and Clyde that day, to watch Craig's competition, no matter when and where, he always showed up to his games. 

He could recall a younger Craig playing, and he was as good looking as ever. Tweek was staring hard, and debuted in his heart whether or not he should cheer for him, like the girls did. He was too shy.

When Tweek finally gathered the courage to do so, the cheering team rose from their seats and performed a number. The audience looked at the girls. The team players peeked at the girls. Craig stole a look at the girls, then he turned back at the direction of the basketball in another player’s hands and ran after him.

As he saw Craig looking at the cheering team, he felt a hint of jealousy rising in his bosom. _Should I chant again now? To catch his attention? What if he thinks I’m being annoying?_

Tweek felt his heart pacing, although it started to feel hot, cold sweat slid down his neck. With his head hot with jealousy, he greedily yelled in an attempt to monopolise his attention, “Craig! I love you! Don’t lose!”

It worked.

Craig reflexively turned to the source of the sound, and found the nervous blonde. Craig looked at him and gave him a thumbs up.

Craig’s smile melted Tweek’s heart, but it also made it beat faster. The blonde thought to himself...

“I shouldn’t have said that, what if he realised I wasn’t acting... What if he figured out that I actually meant it...”

Tweek’s flashback morphed into the reality as he mumbled his thoughts out. 

He gasped for breath. In the middle of a loud crowd, he seemed to stand out by remaining quiet. His eyes darted left and right and couldn’t focus. His hands were shaking slightly from the realisation. His mouth went dry soon after and he swallowed as he tried to regulate his breathing. 

Tweek tried to playback the event and his thoughts in his head by repeating his thoughts in his heart. He was then finally able to articulate his feeling. He had always wanted to stand out and get noticed by Craig. He felt blended in the background, and he hated it, he wanted Craig to see him.

However he had to be really careful whenever he tried as he was also trying really hard to conceal his crush on Craig. 

It was rather _stressing._

Well, isn’t it obvious?

It started to all come together to Tweek. The staged relationship didn’t stress him out, Tweek fell in love with Craig, but he was too much of a coward to confess. His secretive interest in Craig was his stressor.

He should have realised that the stressor wasn’t the staged relationship nor was it Craig when he saw the letter, but he was too distracted by his anger. 

He recalled after the accident, when he was first hit with insomnia, he realised that there was a distant feeling of bliss and a distant feeling of intense fear missing in his life. Without remembering his feelings for Craig, the extremes of his emotions were smudged off and his life became safe yet plain. 

Without remembering, Tweek no longer experienced the heartache and loneliness in a single-way relationship, as well as the fear of losing Craig one day by scaring him away; however at the same time the rewarding bliss and all the heart-throbbing moments were gone.

He led an emotionally more stable road forgetting about Craig, but he would most certainly prefer the bumpy, and more exciting pathway. There was no denying that he fell for the same guy twice under two different circumstances. 

Suddenly, Craig fell with an agonising groan. He was pushed by another player. At that instance, the stadium fell quiet as people gasped, leaving behind only the echoed sound of the basketball bouncing against the floor, and sports shoes sliding across one another, making squeaky noises.

"CRAIG!" Tweek's voice stood out, this time, Craig heard him. With one of his eyes still squinted together from pain, he looked at Tweek and gave him a thumbs up, in an effort to tell him not to worry. It turned out that Craig knew all along where Tweek was.

Some paramedics came and escorted Craig outside the court. South Park Cows had lost their most valuable player mid-way through the game, the crowd expressed regret.

As Tweek traced Craig slowly being taken away, he realised that it was time for him to act. He didn’t want to wait anymore. The letter, and all the past memories that I recalled... They gave Tweek the courage to move forward, he jumped out of his seat, and went down the audience seat, straight into the court, and finally towards the boy’s locker room.

"Dude I’m coming with you!" Clyde stood up and wanted to follow Tweek.

"Dude!” Token quickly held onto the corner of Clyde’s shirt and pulled him back down, he facepalmed himself, "I swear to God... If you sit down right now, Craig and Tweek would name their child after you."

"What?!" the game resumed with people chanting, and Token's advice to Clyde was partially masked over. Clyde scratched his head in confusion until he finally understood Token mouthing over and over again.

**

 _It was too obvious, you idiot._ Tweek blamed himself, _why would I want to look into the past to figure out my current feelings?_

He ran with all his might, his footsteps creating echos in the hallway. He had so much to tell Craig.

“Craig!” Tweek jammed open the door, startling the injured player. Craig was alone.

“Tweek?” Craig wanted to stand up upon seeing the blonde, who looked concerned with his heavy breathing from running. But failed as his twisted ankle gave him too much of a pain. “I... I’m ok, don’t worry!”

Tweek walked over and knelt down in between the open lap of the injured boy sitting at the bench, his voice tender and concerning, “still hurting?”

“Yea, I probably can't play anymore,” Craig replied bitterly, “that son of a bitch... He pushed intentionally!”

Tweek sighed in relief, knowing that as Craig was still able to curse, he was probably still alright. 

“Craig...” Tweek gently laid his hand on Craig’s injured leg, “I just remembered more when I was watching you.”

“Really?!” Craig’s voice cracked with joy, “first time watching me and you already recalled something! What did you remember?”

“Something about you.” Tweek looked directly at Craig’s eyes. It was time they stop the peeping game and look at each other now that they were finally alone.

“What about me?”

“I love you.” 

“You-“ Craig paused with his eyes were widened incredibly, the amazement masked over the pain temporarily. “Tw- Tweek?!”

“I have been waiting for you to say it to me the whole day,” Tweek breathed a smile, “no, my whole childhood.”

Craig’s cheeks reddened and he could feel himself getting hotter from the heat. He couldn’t speak, or think, or breathe properly. In fact, his heart already went berserk and beat like it was about to bounce out of his chest.

“I shouldn’t have waited,” Tweek inhaled, “Craig, I liked you ever since we were young, I used to hide it because I was scared that my feelings will scare you away. I was scared of absolutely everything. That ends now. I’m telling you, Craig Tucker, I love you.”

Craig’s face and ears reddened up incredibly. He had his confession speech ready, but it seemed that it was now redundant. He swallowed in shyness.

“Even after this accident with my memory deleted, even without the girls shipping us as a start, it’s like... No matter how many times you hit restart, I will still fall for you. You’re not my stressor, Craig, I stressed myself like an idiot.” Tweek heavily breathed out, it had taken him all of his courage to try to be romantic. Seeing how Craig was stunned by his words, he knew he had to be more explicit to finish his confession nicely, he took a breather.

"Craig, would you-" Suddenly, Craig covered Tweek's mouth with his palm. Tweek paused in confusion.

He couldn't have let Tweek do all the work. 

"Tweek, would you be mine?" Craig chuckled. "I love you too."

Tweek's eyes gleamed and then got glued tightly together by smiling too hard like a little boy. As both of the boys lovingly looked at each other and smiled, they naturally moved closer to each other.

“Yes... Yes!” Tweek leaned in, “it is only fair...”

The world seemed to have stood still when they kissed. Who would have thought that Craig tasted liked vanilla milkshake?

“Our first kiss,” Tweek announced. His bright white teeth intensified the colour contrast against his pink cheeks.

“You have to properly remember this one,” Craig smirked, and folded Tweek into his tight embrace, “and expect many more to come.” He was glad to have Tweek’s face against his chest, because he couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot at this very moment. Little did he know, Tweek felt the same.


End file.
